I've created & kept this blog to compile the thoughts, dreams and wisdom that I've discovered from others or merely written myself. This blog is, in a sense, an expression of everything that is me.. Whether I wrote it or not. The most recent entries are a series of quotes, lyrics and videos.. But travel back through the archives and you'll delve deep into my heart, through my own words.

To those who I've quoted or borrowed from: Thank you for being beautiful.. for deeply inspiring me in one way or another. I hope you find that I've used your material in an appropriate fashion.. I try always to cite my sources. I take NO credit for that which is not my own.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

"'Cuz it's alright,
there's nothing to stop us,
if it feels right, then everything's fine
for just one night,
then you go back to your life,
and I'll go back to mine."
-just surrender-

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

John Doe.

I want to know your plans.. Your secrets.. Your fears.

I want to know what makes your heart beat fast, and what takes your breath away.

I want to know what you dream about when your eyes close at night.. About the places you go when you are fast asleep.

I want to know every one of your flaws.. I want to treasure what makes you unique.

I want to know your favorite color..and if you love cheesy love songs, the way I do.

I want to know whether you like listening to the rain, or, better yet, kissing in the rain.

I want to know your heart's ambitions. I want to know if you find joy in the little things.

I want to know you.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

All I see is where our days repeat
And our love goes on
As our hair grows long


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Luckiest.

Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away

I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong.

-Ben Folds-

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Ah, Truth in Movie Quotes...

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door."

-The Holiday-

Friday, September 11, 2009

In Memory of 9/11/01...

"Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day?"

I remember where I was. Mrs. Ward's eighth grade IMAST class, my first class of the day. Mrs. Ward had been told by one of the neighboring teachers that a plane had struck one of the towers of the WTC, but she told us that we had too much work to do to watch the news. As she flipped the television on and searched for that day's video, we all watched in sheer horror as the second plane struck the tower. The same footage that millions of other people witnessed live on television as well. My mother was at conference at the corporate office she then worked for, watching the terror unfold on the huge projection screens around the cafeteria.

That was the moment that everyone across the nation realized that our country was under attack. I remember watching my teacher's face crumple into tears, and all she could repeat was, "Oh my God..." before she was at a loss for words. The rest of the day, all any of us could do was watch.. Watch to see what happened next... Watch to see how many lives were lost... How many were saved... Watch to see if anyone we knew could have been involved...

We learned that the two planes that struck the towers originated from Logan Airport in Boston. I quickly thought of my Uncle Steve, my dad's brother, then a pilot out of Boston... and the rest of the day, all I did was worry about him. Was he piloting one of those flights? What were his daughters, my cousins, thinking right then?

Thankfully, he wasn't among those lost that day... But so many other's loved ones were. So many families watched the terror that unfolded that day, the tragedies that claimed so many innocent lives. So many families lost beloved family members among the violence, wreckage and debris. The aftermath left our nation with a deep void... So many questions, so many broken hearts...

It has since been 8 years. Through all of the chaos, progress and changes that our nation has endured in the wake of that dreadful day, we've continued to remember this date each year, taking time to honor the victims of 9/11 and pay tribute to those who have given their lives since then.

* * * * * * * * *

Yellowcard - Believe

Think about the love inside the strength of heart
Think about the heroes saving life in the dark
Climbing higher through the fire, time was running out
Never knowing you weren't going to be coming down alive
But you still came back for me
You were strong and you believed

Everything is gonna be alright
Be strong. Believe.

Think about the chance I never had to say
Thank you for giving up your life that day
Never fearing, only hearing voices calling out
Let it all go, the life that you know, just to bring it down alive
And you still came back for me
You were strong and you believed

Everything is gonna be alright
Be strong. Believe.

(Again today, we take into our hearts and minds those who perished on this site one year ago, and also those who came to toil in the rubble to bring order out of chaos, to help us make sense of our despair)

Wanna hold my wife when I get home
Wanna tell the kids they'll never know how much I love to see them smile
Wanna make a change or two right now
Wanna live a life like you somehow
Wanna make your sacrifice worthwhile

Everything is gonna be alright
Be strong. Believe.

Everything is gonna be alright
Be strong. Believe.

Think about the love inside the strength of heart
Think about the heroes saving life in the dark
Think about the chance I never had to say
Thank you for giving up your life that day

(The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here)

* * * * * * * * *

*In memory of those who lost their lives on 9/11/01 -- We'll NEVER forget*

Thursday, September 10, 2009


"Let's all work together to stop all commercial whaling and lethal scientific research whaling by Japan, Norway, and Iceland, while stopping the brutal dolphin drive fisheries and coastal harpoon hunts of Japan and the Faroe Islands that kill over 25,000 dolphins, porpoises, and other small whales every year!" --Hayden Panettiere

Be like me, and support Hayden Panettiere's organization... Click on this link to sign the petition and help save the whales & dolphins!!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The Usual...

Nightly insomnia. It's back... And right for the beginning of the semester! Sweet.

I'm sitting up in bed drinking Sleepytime tea and watching YouTube music videos. I was listening to music on Pandora before I switched over. I hate nights like this, because I lie awake thinking of anything and everything, no matter how insignificant or tiny. I worry about classes, think of old memories/times/friends, stress over money, scheme about craft ideas... Etc. All things that continue to keep me awake. Aargh...

I know I don't write in here much anymore.. I hope to turn that around soon. I've been busy with vacation, then getting back into my work/class routine. I've also been too lazy to write when I DO have time, so I've been putting up lyrics, or adding things to my Tumblr. I miss writing my own things, though. Even though there aren't many people who read this page, I still enjoy knowing some do. Keep it up, please!! :-)

I'm going to go back to my tea and video... I can already feel my eyes getting heavy, and I don't want to ruin that by getting a second wind typing... That would be devastating! Good night to all <3

Thursday, August 27, 2009

I'll Meet You There...

Deep inside of you there’s a ruby glow
And it gets brighter then you and I will ever know
There’s a rushing sound that surrounds us when we walk alone
And it’s everything we've never known

Wander down the street
And I would be the pavement beneath your feet
If we could just be immobile for some time
And finally figure out the way we feel
About the missing puzzle pieces and cloudy question marks
It still looks a bit surreal

Oh I tend to disappear here and there
So concentrate and you’ll feel me everywhere
And well feel the metro skies with country air
If you’re lost when you close your eyes I’ll meet you there

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


All of these mixed emotions,
Tangled up in pure confusion,
It’s hard to let go of the past, but it seems,
Easier as time is moving,

Well you said he makes you laugh,
And he makes you happy,
He sees you smiling back,
It is everlasting,

And so he’s tailor made for you,
With stunning golden hues,
And one sweet tone to soothe,
Your persistent beating heart it’s just a start,

And I, have seen you everyday,
You’ve never been like this before,
He’s tailor made, tailor, tailor made,

So let go all of these mixed emotions,
Forget all your hesitations,
Together entwined inside this feeling,
Feet off the ground, head hits ceiling,

Then he whispered in your ear,
He’s absolutely falling,
The words he said are clear,
So don’t insist on stalling


Tuesday, August 4, 2009


"525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure,
measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In
inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you
measure a year in the life?
How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Motivational Quote

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost;
that is where they should be.
Now put foundations under them.

(Henry David Thoreau

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

"Maybe today, we can put the past away.."

"Change is the law of life.
And those who look only to the past are certain to miss the future."
(John F. Kennedy)

Have you done your annual "spring cleaning" yet this year? Or, maybe for some, for the first time in a couple of years? No, I'm not speaking the language of dustpans, mops and windex; rather, I'm referring to most hidden and personal place of all--our memories.
Tonight we're finally giving the boot to the skeletons that live in our closets. No longer will we allow ourselves to live under a constant cloud of pain, regret, confusion and suffering, because we're going to take two steps forward and discover the warmth of the sun on our faces. That's right. We are allowing ourselves to cut ties with familiarity, leave "THEN" in the past, and to find comfort in the "NOW". Grab a hold of your life's reigns and embark with me on a journey that so many people are too afraid to take--the path from our pasts to the present. Reality. The long-awaited road to recovery.
I have an old cell phone from years ago, filled with saved messages from many individuals... Friends, family members, crushes and boyfriends. Messages of uplifting words, sadness, tragic events, inside jokes, flattery and romance. I've continued to keep all of the positive messages.. The meaningful ones.. But tonight, I realized how foolish it was to continue holding onto "notes" of adoration, from a brief time in my life that ended all too long ago. I've been contemplating erasing them for awhile.. and tonight, I took that step. Thank you, dignity, for kicking in after all this time..
On a broader note, I've discovered how healing and beautiful it feels to forgive bad occurrences in my life.. To forgive, and in doing so, to be able to finally be free from the weight of hatred and resentment. I've found it to be a very enlightening experience.. Personal, but uplifting.
Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to find in both ourselves and in others.. Forgiveness is also one of the most difficult things to give away. But once you find the strength and the courage to be able to forgive.. It is one of the most beautiful and rewarding feelings in the world. Welcome, freedom.
I urge you to find it in yourselves to forgive the past. Forgive yourselves for mistakes made.. We are all, equally, only human, and it is absolutely in our nature to mess up. In that sense, forgive other people who have made mistakes that have impacted you in a negative way. Forgive friends for stupid fights, and apologize when you may have been to blame. After all, hands are much nicer to hold than grudges.
Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. I can't stress it enough.
(This isn't to say that you should become best friends with everyone who has done wrong to you, and I'm not telling you that you have to like every person you meet. That's just impossible! My message is just about forgiveness. You may not like someone, but don't let particular incidents/altercations hold you down. Be better than that. Be stronger than hatred. Be free from pain. Be happy.)

Thursday, July 2, 2009

The Yellow Wallpaper

"You think you have mastered it, but just as you get well underway in following, it turns a back somersault and there you are. It slaps you in the face, knocks you down, and tramples upon you. It is like a bad dream."

So I'm lending a friend a creative hand by assisting with an essay.. and upon reading the above excerpt (from "The Yellow Wallpaper"), I knew it would be perfectly paired with what I'd been meaning to write in here.

Many times, people feel a genuine dread toward falling asleep, for fear of slipping into nightmares, or being haunted by recurring dreams. Is it strange then for someone to feel the same disdain toward sleep, only for fear of encountering the sweetest of fantasies? Perhaps it may seem a tad unusual.. Perhaps a bit contradictory. But suppose such sweet fantasies were, as they are, mere illusions that continued to play mind games.. Tricking and trapping said individual aboard a constant roller-coaster of emotions.. Spiralling dangerously out of control, throttling faster toward chaos and instability.

If circumstances could, in fact, truly turn one away from dreamland, would that justify a fear of having "sweet dreams"? Would it open up room for bad dreams and nightmares? Or, worse--would that allow for a world without any dreams at all?

Sweet... Slumber.

Sunday, June 28, 2009


by Shel Silverstein

Last night, while I lay thinking here, some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
and pranced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow taller?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems well, and then
the nighttime Whatifs strike again!

Sunday, June 14, 2009


"I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost more than 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot — and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life... And that is why I succeed."

-Michael Jordan-

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."

-Robert F. Kennedy-

"I am not discouraged because every wrong attempt discarded is a step forward."

-Thomas Edison-

"Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit."

-Napolean Hill-

"A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do."

-Bob Dylan-

"Success in life consists of going from one mistake to the next without losing your enthusiasm."

-Winston Churchill-

"Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness. "

-Oprah Winfrey-

"My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure. "

-Abraham Lincoln-

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

"Don't talk, don't say a thing
'cuz your eyes, they tell me more than your words."

-the fray-

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Exhaustion and Ataris.

It's 4:11 in the morning.. I'm lying awake. I have to get up in 3 hours.. Less than 3 hours, actually. Insomnia is driving me insane right now..

It takes lying awake, exhausted, unable to fall asleep (and, therefore, escape consciousness), to get legitimate thinking done, it seems. The only time I can truly untangle the mess of thoughts/ideas/confusion in my mind is when sleep is dangling just inches from my grasp. Cruel.. Unnerving.. But, apparently, effective.

Now I'm certainly WAY past exhaustion. All aboard for Dreamland... Next stop--Slumber.

Ataris Lyrics:

"Sneak out of your window, darlin'
Let's live like outlaws, honey
We'll never look back."

"I'm trying to believe in you;
this world sold its fate for parking lots and drunk sincerity."

"I will to you the smell of burning leaves
Rusted windchimes and the feverish glow of fireflies
We were such terrible liars
We were such passionate lovers"

"sometimes you gotta stop and remember
that your not gonna live forever.
be young, think smart, stay true
and just follow your heart."

"today I made you a mix tape
to say exactly how I feel inside
and make you feel it to.
these are the songs that make me smile
and cry myself to sleep at night
when I'm lying without you."

"chasing the sun isn't my kind of fun.
I'd rather sit and catch snowflakes on my tongue.
when summers gone I won't be sad
as you cling on to all the good times that you've had"

Friday, June 5, 2009

Go The Distance.

This song is beautiful. Gotta hand it to the Disney classics for creating soundtracks that get to the audience. The lyrics are so inspiring. The chorus students sang this at my brother's graduation commencement on Wednesday, and I've had it stuck in my head ever since. The song brings me back through so many great memories.. At the same time, it gives me hope and the drive to succeed.

"Down an unknown road

To embrace my fate
Though the road may wander
It will lead me to you
And a thousand years
Would be worth the wait
It may take a lifetime
But somehow I'll see it through

And I won't look back
I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track
No I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope
But I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance
And my journey is complete

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart

Like a shooting star
I can go the distance
I will search the world
I will face its harms
I don't care how far
I can go the distance
TillI find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms..."

Audience of One

"I looked up and saw you
I know that you saw me
We froze but for a moment
In empathy"

-Rise Against-

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The Sun Still Rises...

"Thought I'd cry for you forever
But I couldn't, so I didn't
People's children die and they don't even cry forever
Thought I'd see your face in my mind for all time
But I don't even remember what your ears looked like."

-Regina Spektor-

Sunday, May 31, 2009


(via ~Bloffer)

She dreams a champagne dream
Strawberry surprise, pink linen and white paper
Lavender and cream, fields of butterflies, reality escapes her

She says that love is for fools that fall behind
And I'm somewhere in between,
I never really know a killer from a savior

'Til I break at the bend

We're here and now, but will we ever be again
'Cause I have found all that shimmers in this world
is sure to fade
away again



I was YouTubing (of course), and I typed in the name of one of my favorite groups, along with the name of the song I love.. and GO FIGURE, I find this video... Tinker Field, Orlando, FL on March 10, 2007 @ Taste of Chaos.


I was there. I was watching this song, laughing and singing (or screaming) the words out with everyone else, posted up against the fence by the sound booth. I can remember looking up at the sky during this set, feeling chilled in the night air and absolutely loving my life in that moment.

I don't know who this video belongs to, but man.. MAN. That was weird to watch and think about.

(See entry marked "I Caught Fire" from 3.10.09)

Elton John.

Another of my all-time, absolute favorite artists. His songs take me wayyyy back.. Nights with friends, karaoke at the Varsity Club, New Jersey trips, etc.

This video rules for so many reasons. First of all, I adore this song. Second, it reminds me of many people/events in my life. Last of all, how boss is Elton?! Seriously.. check out his attire. Awesome.

From This Moment..

Shania Twain is terrific. Her music has always inspired me, she has an incredible voice, and she is absolutely stunning. Heck, my dad calls her a beauty and is pretty much in love with her. Can you really blame him, though?!

I grew up singing a lot. Some of the time, it wasn't half bad.. I swear! I was even part of a little singing group of about 13 girls from all over the Tampa Bay area. I auditioned for the group with a song by Shania, and I often sang her songs at festivals and shows.

What a trip down memory lane THIS song (among many others) is.

(Also, the Backstreet Boys are singing in it, too.. and Lord knows, I've always been a sucker for that group.. Guilty pleasure to this day!!)

"Guard my dreams, figure this out."

Two years ago, I discovered a beautiful soundtrack that fit perfectly with what "we" were at that exact point in time. Two years later, the soundtrack is still playing.. But someone else is pressing "play", with you in mind. I play mine separately, quietly, and crank the music louder in hopes of drowning you out of the melodies.. She, however, cranks it louder in hopes that the lyrics will reach both your ears and your heart, so that you might fall madly in love with her.. Just as I cranked it loud two years ago, in hopes of the same thing.

The irony of one soundtrack being applicable to two situations involving one guy and the hearts of two different girls is too much. Is the joke on me now? Are the fates laughing at my expense? Or do we share the same passion for love, music, lyrics and that particular individual merely out of coincidence? Maybe it's nothing more than that.. Or maybe it's a sign that what "we" were was nothing special, since it can be (and has been) so easily repeated with someone other than me.

Music.. You uplift me, depress me, confuse me and aggravate me. You send my mind into over-drive. You leave me stranded along the road that leads from past to present. You are beautiful and tragic. You are a million things that I can't even begin to explain or describe.

Friday, May 29, 2009

"I believe we write our own stories. And each time we think we know the end - we don't. Perhaps luck exists somewhere between the world of planning, the world of chance, and in peace that comes from knowing that you just can't know it all. You know, life's funny that way. Once you let go of the wheel, you might end up right where you belong."

-Little Black Book-

Thursday, May 28, 2009

The Invitation.

I need to post more of my OWN words.. I know. I've been too busy being sick, working and finding things that other people have masterfully created to write anything of my own. Excuses are so lame.. I get that. I'll get on that sometime soon.

Just out of curiosity.. Who reads this? I'd love to know who you are and how you found me.. and whether or not you like what I have to say/express/quote/offer. Let me know :-)

I found the following piece awhile back and thought to be both wonderful and (almost) biblical.. In a personal, non-religious sort of way. Enjoy!

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.


Sunday, May 24, 2009

Goo Goo Dolls - Black Balloon

What can I say about this song to really give it the credit that it deserves? Besides the fact that it has helped me through some of the worst times of my life..


No words can describe how this song really makes me feel. I've laughed to it, cried to it, dedicated it, danced to it, and cried to it for far different reasons. GGD have so many songs that have had the same--if not, a very similar--impact on me. This song touches my heart in many, many incredible ways.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

A Whisper... Have Courage.

"I do not want them to think, as I once did, that courage is the absence of fear. I want them to know that courage is the strength to act wisely when most we are afraid."

- Mary Fisher, (Author/AIDS Advocate)

"Every man has his own courage, and is betrayed because he seeks in himself the courage of other persons."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"For without belittling the courage with which men have died, we should not forget those acts of courage with which men have lived."

- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do."

- Harper Lee (from: To Kill A Mockingbird)

"Act, and God will act."

- Helen Keller

"Be strong and of good courage. Be not afraid. Neither be thou dismayed, for the Lord your God is with thee withersoever thou goest."

- Joshua 1:9

Friday, May 22, 2009

Refugee... Enough Said.

This song/clip goes out to the man who got me hooked--my dad. To Andrew Livermore and John Brittle. To the cover bands at every bar who play it over and over and over. To everyone else that truly appreciates and adores the magnificence that is Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers.

The Honorary Title

One of my favorites...
Trust me. Very, very good song.


So this band is truly something to behold and brag about.
What an absolutely amazing song.. To say that it's "incredible" is an understatement.

Deep Inside of You... Beautiful.

Here's to a song that touches everyone who listens to it.
It's a trip down memory lane.. A beautiful reminder of times past..
A ballad of love and--to many--loss.
Here's to Third Eye Blind for putting it all into words for us.

Sites I'm REALLY Loving Right Now.


I was feeling pretty crafty and constructive this evening,
and I happened to stumble upon (and peruse through) some
really neat sites..

Talk about getting inspired!!

Check them out for yourself:







I'd highly recommend them :-)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Now or Never.

"Did you say it? 'I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life.' Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around; Drink it in 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow."
-Grey's Anatomy-

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Benjamin Button - Quotes

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

"Along the way you bump into people who make a dent on your life. Some people get struck by lightning. Some are born to sit by a river. Some have an ear for music. Some are artists. Some swim the English Channel. Some know buttons. Some know Shakespeare. Some are mothers. And some people can dance."

Saturday, May 16, 2009

"...Just Thought That You Should Know"

This whole routine is getting old
So am I and so are you.
My reputation lets me know I can do whatever I want to
Though it seems that you believe you can do whatever it is you please
Not before, not before you wind up on your knees.

(Don't cry to me no more)
You like the way that people stare at you now
You look so fake, just thought that you should know
And you're all the same and when the curtain drops down
You'll be replaced by something typical.

You set yourself up to be sold.
And that's okay cause that's your role.
Manipulation takes it toll.
What will you do when nobody wants you?
Though it seems that you believe you can do whatever it is you please
Not before, not before you wind up on your knees.

I know I've stood so long beside you
And I know I should have left you right where I had found you

-the red jumpsuit apparatus-

Thursday, May 14, 2009


To the figment of my imagination, the shadow in the back of my mind, the flower that never truly blossomed:

I hate you. No, I'm not confusing my words or over-exaggerating. I honest-to-God absolutely loathe, detest and despise every inch of your being.

Oh.. I'm not bitter. Is that how I came off just now?! I'm so sorry to have misled you. I'm actually quite well.. Really well, at that. I'm just trying out this whole "honesty" act.. For now, at least.

So for now, while I have the courage and the words in mind, know that I wish you nothing but misery. I've tried to be a good, forgiving person, and I've tried to let bygones be bygones. I've tried to view things from your perspective, but I could only stand in your shoes for so long before the smell started getting to me.

As it stands, to this day, I've sworn up and down that I've been able to move past the mark you've left on my life, and I've said, "goodbye", only God knows how many times. For the life of me, I don't understand why that's not enough.

Take your precious "in-the-now" and retreat back under your rock, you despicable scumbag. I hope you're happy, and I hope you're given everything that I don't have.. (which really only leaves an STD, greed or a shotgun-wedding).

From: The idea that never transformed into anything glorious, beyond what you could allow.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


and so i found a state of mind
where i could be speechless
i had to try it for a while
to figure out this feeling
this felt so right
pull me upside down to a place
where you've been waiting

-colbie caillat-

Monday, May 11, 2009


I somehow see what's beautiful in things that are ephemeral.

-she & him-


And we’ll sing out loud for hours
Until the morning that we know we can’t avoid
These nights are notable and priceless
I swear that every word I say, I mean until my dying day
It’s a shame when I wake I can’t recall a thing
-dave melillo-

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


We are the unwritten scrolls
Background songs
For dialogues
Always wanting something more
To be the stars
The light shines on.

- Alive In Wild Paint


Tonight, while I should have been studying for tomorrow's Liberal Arts Final Exam, I opted instead to flip backwards through the pages of my life.. Back to times that seem so very long ago. Distractions always get the best of me.. And I mean that literally and figuratively. I haven't done one ounce of studying, and now I'm stuck in nostalgia and I'm afraid that I can't climb out of it.

Back in the summer of 2003, my beautiful cousin and I spent our days with a group of silly guys from a small town in Massachusetts. We had all sorts of crazy adventures, including late-night manhunt games, walmart "hide-n-seek" fests, "fall[ing] into the Gap", summer league baseball games, etc. As time went on, the relationships within the group changed several times, but through it all, each member of the group meant so much to me. This was the group that was there for our "'FUN' in 'dysfunctional'!" family situations, beach days/confessions, sobfests and an endless amount of craziness.

There was also a crazy duo of guys from Michigan who, through a series of different events, became two of my best friends. We used to talk on the phone (group chat) almost every single night of the week. During this time, I was in high school, so many nights, I'd be awakened in the wee morning hours to my phone ringing off the hook. Many times, I'd be on the phone chatting, while they placed me on speakerphone to either a) play video games, or b) play guitar and talk about their "band". This goes back to the days of Ariel and Flounder, Dre and his beautiful triangle-skills, and also a well-planned mugging-scheme, in which I lost a very dear possession to the crafty duo.

I used to spend a ton of my time in Westmont, New Jersey. Those who knew me then know why I was there. I grew even closer to the legend, Sarah Cheetham, as well as all of the other incredible people who make up the South Jersey clan. From football games and school plays at Haddon Township High to Rita's Italian Ice trips for Gelati's; Cowtown trips with Sari ("I think your tractor's sexy!") and driving around listening to Something Corporate with Timotheous; the time at the Cherry Hill mall, when Candace and Twist were in town visting as well, and even the constant exaggerated fights, where I'd get mad and run off.. Jersey always, ALWAYS held my heart.

Another old group that I constantly miss is the small posse that composed our teen group at FLBS--David, Jo-L, Luke, JD and Jesse. Other years, it included Z, C and J as well. From pantsing in the stairwell to pizza party challenges, shaving cream wars and loooong beach days, we always had it going on. I miss those epic chats at the pier and sneaking past Uncle Lee after curfew.

I can't forget ECBS either... Back in the day, we had it good. Real good. We had makeover nights in the rooms at Eames and great times in the spa.. Made-up card games, the Green Underwear Bandit, Broomball competitions and CLASSIC married vs single rivalry all week long.. Delicious dining room meals, greenheads and sandcastle contests, readings and prizes for doing the worksheets, always needing a fan, the mats in the gym, Uncle Peter King and Jason-repellant, the cowboy boots ("click click click click... ::DING!:: click click").. There were great talent shows, fun devotional groups and LOTS of deep chats. We were still just an east-coast ONLY school, but we loved the normalcy.

Over the years, time takes its toll on each and every relationship we hold dear. Sometimes for the better, other times, it's an absolute devastation on our lives. We make mistakes or poor decisions, and instead of moving on right away, sometimes we have to learn how to suffer first. People who we grew up with disappear, turn against us, change so much that we lose contact, or grow out of us. Memories fade away more and more each year, sinking unconciously into the depths of our minds and our hearts, until we completely forget them.

It took me re-reading an old blog site to trigger this particular flow of memories.. and now I'm reminded of so many things in my past that will never be the same. So many years have passed.. So many people have come in and out of all of our lives.. So many things have happened to change each and every one of us.. So many people have left such a deep imprint on my life, and now I'm missing them all more than ever, some for the first time in a long time. I miss how simple things used to be.. How juvenile our problems were back then.. How close we all were, no matter what.. How innocent we were to the trials that our future's held.

I miss all of my friends, the way we were back then. I miss those people so very much. Some of them, I talk to every once in a blue moon. Others are just busy with their own lives, and we never speak.. We grew up out of that phase in our lives. Some of those people are probably not even aware of how significant a role they played in my life, and there are those that, to this day, hate me for no reason other than their own immaturity and pride. It's a real shame.. Because I've grown up. I grew past things a long time ago. But.. People change and ultimately, it's all for a reason.

Still.. I miss them. My friends. Old friends, enemies, or whatever we are to each other these days. I miss you. Each and every one of you. From the bottom of my heart.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

I Am...

Radiohead (via dailypost-its)

I am...
Hesitant. Doubting. Confused.
Nostalgic (to say the least). Easily distracted.
Open to suggestions.. but very stubborn.

I am...
Sweet uncertainty.
A mess of contradictions.
The epitome of everything I've ever found impressionable.
A dreamer, a wishful thinker, an optimist.

I am...
Full of passion, ideas, beliefs.
Searching for morality in a corrupt society.
Constantly struggling between right and wrong.
Making mistakes & learning lessons on a daily basis.

I am...
Someone's biggest mistake.
Someone's saving grace.
Someone's absolute letdown.

I am...
The girl who shattered some guy's heart.
The same girl who glued her own heart back together again... Several times.
An ex-best friend, a failed acquaintanceship, a forgotten mark.
A closet romance. A secret affair.

I am...
A best friend. A big sister. A cousin.
A niece. A daughter and granddaughter.
A beautiful memory in someone's heart.
That silly friend from way back when.
A sis/mama to the pups.

I am...
He is mine.
I am the absolute love of his life..
Right where I want to be.

I am...
Taking life as it comes to me, day by day.
Doing my best to be extraordinary.
Living. Breathing. Loving.
Content with the person that I have become over time.
Grateful for every blessing that I have.

I am just another girl on this whirl-wind ride called life.
Honestly, I'm just trying to figure it all out.

And you know what? I am absolutely, 100% alright with that.

Who are you?

Friday, May 1, 2009

Click, Click..

Delete. Erase. White-out. Remove.


If that were an assignment or something I spent a deal of time writing, being erased would be absolutely horrific. Like that time last year when I accidentally hit "yes" when my phone wanted to "delete all saved messages?", and really, I had wanted to save them all forever.. I stared at my phone with my mouth open, in shock, for probably ten minutes. That was bad.

This time, though? This "deletion" felt mighty good. Extremely overdue. So easy.

Click, click, click. Check. Delete? Yes. Deleted.

Sigh of relief.

(I'm getting good at this whole "de-stressing" thing!)


Sometimes when you're young, you think nothing can hurt you. It's like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you, and you have big plans. Big plans. To find your perfect match. The one that completes you. But as you get older, you realize it's not always that easy. It's not until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made were simply plans. At the end, when you're looking back instead of forward, you want to believe that you made the most of what life gave you. You want to believe that you're leaving something good behind. You want it all to have mattered.
-One Tree Hill-

Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want. Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it's right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it. You just might get the thing you're wishing for. The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now believe in it. With all your heart.
-One Tree Hill-

The thing is, there is never a time when you'll be more honest, when your convictions will be stronger or your motives will be more pure than they are right now. Which means you should chase whatever it is that excites you. Be confident and take risks. And paint over my words so you can start writing your own. My story might have inspired you, but I'm certain your story will inspire the next girl to live in our room. I want you to know you don't need somebody to write about you in order for your life to mean something. You can write about yourself. Make your own destiny. Then, years from now, the next girl will keep what you write on that door long enough to remind you of how inspired your life is. And you can tell that girl to paint over the door, because you realize the words you wrote, the friends you had, the urgency you felt will always be there underneath the paint. The love you professed will always be there, the spark of something undeniable, a seed of hope, the truth, for better or for worse, burning fiercely, just below the surface.
-One Tree Hill-

Do you ever wonder how long it takes to change your life? What measure of time is enough to be life altering? Is it four years like high school? One year? An eight week rock tour? Can your life change in a month, or a week, or a single day? We're always in a hurray to grow up, to go places, to get ahead. And when you're young, one hour can change everything.
-One Tree Hill-

Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger like when you let down a friend. Some of us escape the pain of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret because we're looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past, and sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change your own ways. But, our biggest regrets are not for the things we did -- but, for the things we didn't do. Things we didn't say that could've save someone that we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that's headed their way.
-One Tree Hill-

One V Creek (quotations)

If having things turn out the way you want them to is a measure of a successful life then some would say I was a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past. And recognize that everyday won't be silence and when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair, remember it's only in the black of night that you can see the stars and those stars lead you back home. So don't be afraid to make mistakes, stumble, fall, cause most of the time the greatest rewards come from the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wish for, maybe you'll get more than you could ever imagine. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long and in the end the journey is the destination.
-One Tree Hill-

We are told to remember the idea, not the man. Because a man can fail. He can becaught, he can be killed and forgotten. But four hundred years later an idea can still change the world. I've witnessed firsthand the power of ideas. I've seen people kill in the name of them; and die defending them. But you cannot touch an idea, cannot hold it or kiss it. An idea does not bleed, it cannot feel pain, and it does not love.
-V for Vendetta-

I'd like to tell today's youth that no matter where life takes you, big cities, small towns, you'll inevitably come across small minded people who think they're better than you. People who think that material things, or being pretty or popular, automatically make you a worthwhile human being. I'd like to tell today's youth that none of these things matter. Unless you have a stregth of character, intergtity, ... and if you're lucky enough to have any of these things, don't ever sell out. Don't ever sell out. So when you meet a person for the first time, don't judge them by their station in life, 'cause who knows, that person just might end up being your best friend.
-Dawson's Creek-

And Hansel said to Gretel: Let us drop these bread crumbs so that together we can find our way home because losing our way would be the most cruel of things. And once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely. Because sometimes you have to step outside of the person you've been and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are.
-One Tree Hill-

these people who contributed to who i am they are with me where ever i go. and as history gets rewritten in smalls way with each passing day my love for them only grows, because the truth is it was the best of times. mistakes were made, hearts were broken, harsh lessons learned, but all that has receded into fond memory now. how does it happen? why are we so quick to forget the bad and romanticizes the good? maybe it's because we need to believe that the time we spent together actually meant something. that we were there for each other in a time in our lives that defined us all. That time our lives that we will never forget. I can't swear that's exactly how it happened. but this is how it felt.
-Dawson's Creek-

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while, people push on to something better, something found just beyond the pain of going it alone, and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in, or give someone a second chance, something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. because it's only when you're tested, that you discover who you are, that you discover who you can be. The person you can be does exist, beyond the hard work, faith, belief, and beyond the heartache, and fear of what lies ahead.
-One Tree Hill-

Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday, graduating high school, saying goodbye; that feeling that you get at 17 or 18- that nobody in the history of the world has ever been this close, has ever loved as fiercely or laughed as hard, or cared as much. Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday - and sometimes it feels like someone else's memory.
-One Tree Hill-

You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate, or bad luck, or bad choices. Or you can fight back. Things aren't always gonna be fair in the real world, that's just the way it is. But for the most part, you get what you give. Let me ask you all a question, what's worse- not getting everything you wished for, or getting it but finding it's not enough? The rest of your life is being shaped right now, with the dreams you chase, the choices you make, and the person you decide to be. The rest of your life is a long time, and the rest of your life starts right now.
-One Tree Hill-

Thursday, April 30, 2009

I'm through accepting limits
Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try I'll never know

Limitations and restrictions do nothing more than stifle our individuality, creativity and freedom. Limits are set by people who don't care about reaching their goals or achieving their dreams. Limits aren't set by the dreamers; rather, limits are set by individuals that perceive the world around them in black and white.. Who refuse to accept bright colors and eccentric ideas. Limits are for the boring, the unmotivated, the textbook-following.. Not so much for the daring, the determined, the free-willed.

People set limits to gain or establish control. People set limits to make sure that no one does anything insane.. or extraordinary. People set limits when they are afraid of being outdone, revealed or demolished.

Set your own limits. Or, don't set any limits at all... Break away from the mold society deems as "acceptable", and find out how truly high you can fly.

Build Me Up, Buttercup...

We tend to rely on the behaviors and actions of other individuals to boost our spirits and make us happy. The big mistake in doing so? Giving up our individuality. Not realizing how potentially wonderful it can be to set our own goals and succeed for no one else but ourselves. We honestly can't rely on others to "make" us do ANYTHING. It is ultimately up to each and every one of us to personally see to our own happiness. Being dependent on anyone other than ourselves only broadens the possibility for being let-down. Our minds are capable of harnessing such abundant amounts of positive energy and creativity, but many of us never allow ourselves to take credit for any of it.

Never, ever place the outcome of your own precious happiness in the hands of anyone other than yourself. If you allow someone else to hold sole responsibility for your emotions, you are allowing room for vulnerability, unmet standards and the possibility of heartbreak.

This is absolutely not to say that we can't find happiness in other individuals; on the contrary, it is reminding you not to RELY on that happiness from others to function at our best. The happiness that we gain from other people should be liberating, enlightening and helping.. NOT a crutch to temporarily heal our handicaps.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

The Clock Ticks On..

It's funny (and ironic) to look back on times two years ago, when I was barely making a dent in my college career.. I didn't think college actually mattered. When I thought I was so lost.. When I frowned upon love, because the guy I thought I'd spend forever with dipped out on me for someone trashy and (to say the least) disgusting. So I moved on, found someone random, who I THOUGHT was perfect...

I thought then that I had it all figured out.

Now, two years later, I'm graduating with my Associates Degree in two weeks, finally content.. Happily with the (original) boy who I never imagined coming close to again. The guy I found after him, who I thought was it? I don't even know who that boy is these days.. and honestly, it's his loss.

Time takes advantage of our sense of humor.. Doesn't it? Time is cruel.


Time is also fair. Time allows us to truly heal. And, if we allow it to, time rewards us.

I know now that everything I have today is everything I've ever wanted. It took two years for this realization to actually make sense.. To actually hit home.

Time has given me closure.. Has healed me.. Has allowed me to find true happiness.

Thank you, Lord.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Now maybe I could have made my own mistakes

But I live with what Ive known

Don't we all? Honestly.
Experience teaches us to do so.. Right?
Or is it just me?

Monday, April 20, 2009

Gilmore Girls

"Everything I do fails. I wish on stars, wish on birthday candles, put you on my Christmas list, throw coins in fountains and make a wish, wish at 11:11. Not to mention, love you, dream about you, and think about you every moment I can. Yet, nothing works, and as much as I want to lose hope in all these things, I can't. Because, if I stop believing then they really won't ever come true."

Make-up Smeared Eyes

"Left your t-shirt in my room, still smells of you
And the picture you hung on the door lay smashed, picture perfect.
Explains now, clearly nothing left but a memory
We only made out you never kissed me that's how I learned to hold back all feeling

Wait, please don't go, I won't stay. All these words on replay. I'm ok, Its alright, good to know that your fine.

Pretending everything is right, to make it better.
I'll hide my make up smeared eyes, to show that I tried.

Some how you have managed to get under my skin, more than anyone ever did.
And if every hole makes a scar and every scar marks its place then I will never live freely without your trace.
And it'll never be fair, I wrote my songs for you and you never even cared.
So I'll forget you, I'll wish your t-shirt, kill the pillow and cut you out of pictures

And this drama filled fest all my fault I guess. But you told me pretending's for the best.
And I held out as far as I could go.. Do you miss me?? Id really like to know.
Your left with a feeling I let go, you are just a feeling I let go."

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Pillow Talk.

“ Yeah, I actually quite like looking through things. I feel quite connected to the past, and my memory. Everything that I’ve ever done I can still relate to, and feel connected to it in a way. There’s no part of my life that I look at and go, ‘I don’t recognize that person at all.’ Everything I’ve done, essentially, has led me to where I am, and that’s essentially the philosophy of my life. It’s all one thing. ”

-Ian MacKaye (via need-nobody)

“ Your past is just a story. And once you realize this it has no power over you. ”

-Invisible Monsters (via need-nobody)

“i have come to the frightening conclusion that i am the decisive element. it is my personal approach that creates the climate. it is my daily mood that makes the weather. i possess tremendous power to make a life miserable or joyous. i can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. i can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. in all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated, and a person humanized or de-humanized. if we treat people as they are, we make them worse. if we treat people as they ought to be, we can help them become what they are capable of becoming.”

- Goethe (via need-nobody)

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love.”

- Washington Irving (via quote-book)

"The past is never there when you try to go back. It exists, but only in memory. To pretend otherwise is to invite a mess."

-Chris Cobbs (via brokenmachine)

"Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us."

- Marianne Williamson (via littlemiss)

"I don’t think I’m tangible to myself. I mean, I think one thing today and I think another thing tomorrow. I change during the course of a day. I wake up and I’m one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I’m somebody else. I don’t know who I am most of the time. It doesn’t even matter to me."

- Bob Dylan (via fyeahbobdylan)

"Sometimes it’s not enough to know what things mean.. Sometimes you have to know what things don’t mean."

- Bob Dylan (via fyeahbobdylan)

"If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise."

- Robert Fritz (via justbesplendid)

"I like to think that the moon is there even if I am not looking at it."

- Albert Einstein (via quote-book)

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Dear You.. Goodbye.

Dear (dare I refer to you as such?) You:

Stranger. Criminal. Fraud. Liar. Thief.

You've plagued my thoughts, my mind, my memories and my heart for far too long now. You've stolen the spotlight in every movie that I watch, and wrapped yourself around the lyrics that constantly surround me. You've skipped from my dreams into reality, and then fallen back to an illusion a million times over. I've struggled to move past the mark you left on my life, yet, every time, that resulted in failure.

I tried to forget you. I really did. I was making such progress each time, too. You haven't really been making it too easy.. But I don't just blame you. There's something about being weak-minded that puts a tremendous HALT on progress.. Or so I've learned.

I wish you'd stay gone and crawl back into the shadows. I wish you weren't a permanent fixture in my delusional mind. I wish that someone could remove every bit of you from my brain. I wish that the night sky would look down and have sympathy on my situation. Maybe then I could get around to this whole "rest of my life" adventure.

You, I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to realize how foolish I've appeared. I want you to know that I've finally swallowed a big ol' dose of reality and I'm finally seeing you for what you really are. I can finally grasp the obvious. I'm not sorry for things I have said or for words that I have written, because I make no apologies for my emotions. However, I do apologize for wasting so much of my time and life on anything to do with you.

I hope this letter finds you well. I really do. I'm so glad to get this off of my chest and to finally be rid of these distorted thoughts and dreams. I know what's real now. I know how much better off I really am.

Goodbye You.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Burn Out Brighter..

Live, I wanna live inspired
Die, I wanna die for something higher than myself
Live and die for anyone else
The more I live I see this life's not about me

I remember you best
Hating all the boys who got to you
And all the things they took
That you'd kept for yourself
Every car crash, every misstep, every word
matt nathanson

You're so sorry about it all
Now that it's over..
Should I thank you for that dear?
You're so sorry about it all...
And I hope you'll always be.
matt nathanson

Just push me 'til I have to fly
I've shed my skin, my scars
Take me deep out past the lights
Where nothing dims these stars
Nothing dims these stars
matt nathanson

Spent my days with doctors,
And my nights with crooks,
And all of them who sell me for a song.
So I'm here.
Safe Dear.
A fiction in your arms.
matt nathanson

Monday, April 6, 2009

Stepping Stone.

I got your letter on the table.
The keys still in the car.
Your lipstick stained upon my pillow,
From the night before.
I wish I knew my right from wrong,
I wish I had affliction.
Since I read your letter,
Girl, you been my new addiction.

Well I don't need you to be my stepping stone.
I just want you to come back home,
And just breathe and believe
It will be alright.
But tonight for tonight,
Just let it be.

I never was one for introductions,
Till I first saw your face.
And blinded by my intuitions,
I had to take my chance now.
And looking back, you had your reasons.
I couldn't read between the lines,
And now you're gone.
Nothing else that I can do.

I don't need you to be my stepping stone.
Yeah, I just want you to come back home,
And just breathe and believe
It will be alright.
But tonight for tonight,
Just let it be.

All the years that I have spent on you,
Does it really even matter?
Through the years, would we amount to something?
Does it really even matter?

Well I don't need you to be my stepping stone.
I just want you to come back home,
And just breathe and believe
It will be alright.
But tonight for just one day.

-pop evil-

Don't Wake Me...

...I plan on sleeping in.

(via balsamia)

To wake from the deepest sleep, plucked instantly from the depths of dreamland, can be be utterly and absolutely jarring. To be "awake" and "coherent" in the alternate universe of the most realistic dream can result in chaos and confusion upon ACTUAL awakening. Lead me into tranquility, re-surface the desires of my subconscious, take my hand and guide me along the path(s) of those longings... Then, please proceed to rip me from the scenario, peel away the breathtaking, painted backdrop, and slap me in the face with the cold hand of reality. Several times, at that. Awaken me so that I may try to once again discern truth from fiction.

It's always so repetitive. You put dreams, people, places away in the back of your mind or heart, and you accept things the way that they come. Then, as quickly and easily it is to fall asleep, those "polaroid images" of the past are once again brought to life. There are voices, smells, sounds and places that you had forgotten all about... But dreams have a way of re-surfacing them. Bringing them back to light/life. Driving us absolutely crazy.

Dreamers are both the luckiest and most cursed individuals. They are free to dream far beyond the restraints of what society deems as "acceptable", enlightening them and also condemning them in all sorts of ways. In times where forgetting is the only solution, they are bound to forever remembering, forever wishing, forever struggling with putting the past to rest.