I've created & kept this blog to compile the thoughts, dreams and wisdom that I've discovered from others or merely written myself. This blog is, in a sense, an expression of everything that is me.. Whether I wrote it or not. The most recent entries are a series of quotes, lyrics and videos.. But travel back through the archives and you'll delve deep into my heart, through my own words.

To those who I've quoted or borrowed from: Thank you for being beautiful.. for deeply inspiring me in one way or another. I hope you find that I've used your material in an appropriate fashion.. I try always to cite my sources. I take NO credit for that which is not my own.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


Tonight, while I should have been studying for tomorrow's Liberal Arts Final Exam, I opted instead to flip backwards through the pages of my life.. Back to times that seem so very long ago. Distractions always get the best of me.. And I mean that literally and figuratively. I haven't done one ounce of studying, and now I'm stuck in nostalgia and I'm afraid that I can't climb out of it.

Back in the summer of 2003, my beautiful cousin and I spent our days with a group of silly guys from a small town in Massachusetts. We had all sorts of crazy adventures, including late-night manhunt games, walmart "hide-n-seek" fests, "fall[ing] into the Gap", summer league baseball games, etc. As time went on, the relationships within the group changed several times, but through it all, each member of the group meant so much to me. This was the group that was there for our "'FUN' in 'dysfunctional'!" family situations, beach days/confessions, sobfests and an endless amount of craziness.

There was also a crazy duo of guys from Michigan who, through a series of different events, became two of my best friends. We used to talk on the phone (group chat) almost every single night of the week. During this time, I was in high school, so many nights, I'd be awakened in the wee morning hours to my phone ringing off the hook. Many times, I'd be on the phone chatting, while they placed me on speakerphone to either a) play video games, or b) play guitar and talk about their "band". This goes back to the days of Ariel and Flounder, Dre and his beautiful triangle-skills, and also a well-planned mugging-scheme, in which I lost a very dear possession to the crafty duo.

I used to spend a ton of my time in Westmont, New Jersey. Those who knew me then know why I was there. I grew even closer to the legend, Sarah Cheetham, as well as all of the other incredible people who make up the South Jersey clan. From football games and school plays at Haddon Township High to Rita's Italian Ice trips for Gelati's; Cowtown trips with Sari ("I think your tractor's sexy!") and driving around listening to Something Corporate with Timotheous; the time at the Cherry Hill mall, when Candace and Twist were in town visting as well, and even the constant exaggerated fights, where I'd get mad and run off.. Jersey always, ALWAYS held my heart.

Another old group that I constantly miss is the small posse that composed our teen group at FLBS--David, Jo-L, Luke, JD and Jesse. Other years, it included Z, C and J as well. From pantsing in the stairwell to pizza party challenges, shaving cream wars and loooong beach days, we always had it going on. I miss those epic chats at the pier and sneaking past Uncle Lee after curfew.

I can't forget ECBS either... Back in the day, we had it good. Real good. We had makeover nights in the rooms at Eames and great times in the spa.. Made-up card games, the Green Underwear Bandit, Broomball competitions and CLASSIC married vs single rivalry all week long.. Delicious dining room meals, greenheads and sandcastle contests, readings and prizes for doing the worksheets, always needing a fan, the mats in the gym, Uncle Peter King and Jason-repellant, the cowboy boots ("click click click click... ::DING!:: click click").. There were great talent shows, fun devotional groups and LOTS of deep chats. We were still just an east-coast ONLY school, but we loved the normalcy.

Over the years, time takes its toll on each and every relationship we hold dear. Sometimes for the better, other times, it's an absolute devastation on our lives. We make mistakes or poor decisions, and instead of moving on right away, sometimes we have to learn how to suffer first. People who we grew up with disappear, turn against us, change so much that we lose contact, or grow out of us. Memories fade away more and more each year, sinking unconciously into the depths of our minds and our hearts, until we completely forget them.

It took me re-reading an old blog site to trigger this particular flow of memories.. and now I'm reminded of so many things in my past that will never be the same. So many years have passed.. So many people have come in and out of all of our lives.. So many things have happened to change each and every one of us.. So many people have left such a deep imprint on my life, and now I'm missing them all more than ever, some for the first time in a long time. I miss how simple things used to be.. How juvenile our problems were back then.. How close we all were, no matter what.. How innocent we were to the trials that our future's held.

I miss all of my friends, the way we were back then. I miss those people so very much. Some of them, I talk to every once in a blue moon. Others are just busy with their own lives, and we never speak.. We grew up out of that phase in our lives. Some of those people are probably not even aware of how significant a role they played in my life, and there are those that, to this day, hate me for no reason other than their own immaturity and pride. It's a real shame.. Because I've grown up. I grew past things a long time ago. But.. People change and ultimately, it's all for a reason.

Still.. I miss them. My friends. Old friends, enemies, or whatever we are to each other these days. I miss you. Each and every one of you. From the bottom of my heart.

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