I've created & kept this blog to compile the thoughts, dreams and wisdom that I've discovered from others or merely written myself. This blog is, in a sense, an expression of everything that is me.. Whether I wrote it or not. The most recent entries are a series of quotes, lyrics and videos.. But travel back through the archives and you'll delve deep into my heart, through my own words.

To those who I've quoted or borrowed from: Thank you for being beautiful.. for deeply inspiring me in one way or another. I hope you find that I've used your material in an appropriate fashion.. I try always to cite my sources. I take NO credit for that which is not my own.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

I'm through accepting limits
Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try I'll never know

Limitations and restrictions do nothing more than stifle our individuality, creativity and freedom. Limits are set by people who don't care about reaching their goals or achieving their dreams. Limits aren't set by the dreamers; rather, limits are set by individuals that perceive the world around them in black and white.. Who refuse to accept bright colors and eccentric ideas. Limits are for the boring, the unmotivated, the textbook-following.. Not so much for the daring, the determined, the free-willed.

People set limits to gain or establish control. People set limits to make sure that no one does anything insane.. or extraordinary. People set limits when they are afraid of being outdone, revealed or demolished.

Set your own limits. Or, don't set any limits at all... Break away from the mold society deems as "acceptable", and find out how truly high you can fly.

Build Me Up, Buttercup...

We tend to rely on the behaviors and actions of other individuals to boost our spirits and make us happy. The big mistake in doing so? Giving up our individuality. Not realizing how potentially wonderful it can be to set our own goals and succeed for no one else but ourselves. We honestly can't rely on others to "make" us do ANYTHING. It is ultimately up to each and every one of us to personally see to our own happiness. Being dependent on anyone other than ourselves only broadens the possibility for being let-down. Our minds are capable of harnessing such abundant amounts of positive energy and creativity, but many of us never allow ourselves to take credit for any of it.

Never, ever place the outcome of your own precious happiness in the hands of anyone other than yourself. If you allow someone else to hold sole responsibility for your emotions, you are allowing room for vulnerability, unmet standards and the possibility of heartbreak.

This is absolutely not to say that we can't find happiness in other individuals; on the contrary, it is reminding you not to RELY on that happiness from others to function at our best. The happiness that we gain from other people should be liberating, enlightening and helping.. NOT a crutch to temporarily heal our handicaps.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

The Clock Ticks On..

It's funny (and ironic) to look back on times two years ago, when I was barely making a dent in my college career.. I didn't think college actually mattered. When I thought I was so lost.. When I frowned upon love, because the guy I thought I'd spend forever with dipped out on me for someone trashy and (to say the least) disgusting. So I moved on, found someone random, who I THOUGHT was perfect...

I thought then that I had it all figured out.

Now, two years later, I'm graduating with my Associates Degree in two weeks, finally content.. Happily with the (original) boy who I never imagined coming close to again. The guy I found after him, who I thought was it? I don't even know who that boy is these days.. and honestly, it's his loss.

Time takes advantage of our sense of humor.. Doesn't it? Time is cruel.


Time is also fair. Time allows us to truly heal. And, if we allow it to, time rewards us.

I know now that everything I have today is everything I've ever wanted. It took two years for this realization to actually make sense.. To actually hit home.

Time has given me closure.. Has healed me.. Has allowed me to find true happiness.

Thank you, Lord.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Now maybe I could have made my own mistakes

But I live with what Ive known

Don't we all? Honestly.
Experience teaches us to do so.. Right?
Or is it just me?

Monday, April 20, 2009

Gilmore Girls

"Everything I do fails. I wish on stars, wish on birthday candles, put you on my Christmas list, throw coins in fountains and make a wish, wish at 11:11. Not to mention, love you, dream about you, and think about you every moment I can. Yet, nothing works, and as much as I want to lose hope in all these things, I can't. Because, if I stop believing then they really won't ever come true."

Make-up Smeared Eyes

"Left your t-shirt in my room, still smells of you
And the picture you hung on the door lay smashed, picture perfect.
Explains now, clearly nothing left but a memory
We only made out you never kissed me that's how I learned to hold back all feeling

Wait, please don't go, I won't stay. All these words on replay. I'm ok, Its alright, good to know that your fine.

Pretending everything is right, to make it better.
I'll hide my make up smeared eyes, to show that I tried.

Some how you have managed to get under my skin, more than anyone ever did.
And if every hole makes a scar and every scar marks its place then I will never live freely without your trace.
And it'll never be fair, I wrote my songs for you and you never even cared.
So I'll forget you, I'll wish your t-shirt, kill the pillow and cut you out of pictures

And this drama filled fest all my fault I guess. But you told me pretending's for the best.
And I held out as far as I could go.. Do you miss me?? Id really like to know.
Your left with a feeling I let go, you are just a feeling I let go."

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Pillow Talk.

“ Yeah, I actually quite like looking through things. I feel quite connected to the past, and my memory. Everything that I’ve ever done I can still relate to, and feel connected to it in a way. There’s no part of my life that I look at and go, ‘I don’t recognize that person at all.’ Everything I’ve done, essentially, has led me to where I am, and that’s essentially the philosophy of my life. It’s all one thing. ”

-Ian MacKaye (via need-nobody)

“ Your past is just a story. And once you realize this it has no power over you. ”

-Invisible Monsters (via need-nobody)

“i have come to the frightening conclusion that i am the decisive element. it is my personal approach that creates the climate. it is my daily mood that makes the weather. i possess tremendous power to make a life miserable or joyous. i can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. i can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. in all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated, and a person humanized or de-humanized. if we treat people as they are, we make them worse. if we treat people as they ought to be, we can help them become what they are capable of becoming.”

- Goethe (via need-nobody)

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love.”

- Washington Irving (via quote-book)

"The past is never there when you try to go back. It exists, but only in memory. To pretend otherwise is to invite a mess."

-Chris Cobbs (via brokenmachine)

"Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us."

- Marianne Williamson (via littlemiss)

"I don’t think I’m tangible to myself. I mean, I think one thing today and I think another thing tomorrow. I change during the course of a day. I wake up and I’m one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I’m somebody else. I don’t know who I am most of the time. It doesn’t even matter to me."

- Bob Dylan (via fyeahbobdylan)

"Sometimes it’s not enough to know what things mean.. Sometimes you have to know what things don’t mean."

- Bob Dylan (via fyeahbobdylan)

"If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise."

- Robert Fritz (via justbesplendid)

"I like to think that the moon is there even if I am not looking at it."

- Albert Einstein (via quote-book)

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Dear You.. Goodbye.

Dear (dare I refer to you as such?) You:

Stranger. Criminal. Fraud. Liar. Thief.

You've plagued my thoughts, my mind, my memories and my heart for far too long now. You've stolen the spotlight in every movie that I watch, and wrapped yourself around the lyrics that constantly surround me. You've skipped from my dreams into reality, and then fallen back to an illusion a million times over. I've struggled to move past the mark you left on my life, yet, every time, that resulted in failure.

I tried to forget you. I really did. I was making such progress each time, too. You haven't really been making it too easy.. But I don't just blame you. There's something about being weak-minded that puts a tremendous HALT on progress.. Or so I've learned.

I wish you'd stay gone and crawl back into the shadows. I wish you weren't a permanent fixture in my delusional mind. I wish that someone could remove every bit of you from my brain. I wish that the night sky would look down and have sympathy on my situation. Maybe then I could get around to this whole "rest of my life" adventure.

You, I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to realize how foolish I've appeared. I want you to know that I've finally swallowed a big ol' dose of reality and I'm finally seeing you for what you really are. I can finally grasp the obvious. I'm not sorry for things I have said or for words that I have written, because I make no apologies for my emotions. However, I do apologize for wasting so much of my time and life on anything to do with you.

I hope this letter finds you well. I really do. I'm so glad to get this off of my chest and to finally be rid of these distorted thoughts and dreams. I know what's real now. I know how much better off I really am.

Goodbye You.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Burn Out Brighter..

Live, I wanna live inspired
Die, I wanna die for something higher than myself
Live and die for anyone else
The more I live I see this life's not about me

I remember you best
Hating all the boys who got to you
And all the things they took
That you'd kept for yourself
Every car crash, every misstep, every word
matt nathanson

You're so sorry about it all
Now that it's over..
Should I thank you for that dear?
You're so sorry about it all...
And I hope you'll always be.
matt nathanson

Just push me 'til I have to fly
I've shed my skin, my scars
Take me deep out past the lights
Where nothing dims these stars
Nothing dims these stars
matt nathanson

Spent my days with doctors,
And my nights with crooks,
And all of them who sell me for a song.
So I'm here.
Safe Dear.
A fiction in your arms.
matt nathanson

Monday, April 6, 2009

Stepping Stone.

I got your letter on the table.
The keys still in the car.
Your lipstick stained upon my pillow,
From the night before.
I wish I knew my right from wrong,
I wish I had affliction.
Since I read your letter,
Girl, you been my new addiction.

Well I don't need you to be my stepping stone.
I just want you to come back home,
And just breathe and believe
It will be alright.
But tonight for tonight,
Just let it be.

I never was one for introductions,
Till I first saw your face.
And blinded by my intuitions,
I had to take my chance now.
And looking back, you had your reasons.
I couldn't read between the lines,
And now you're gone.
Nothing else that I can do.

I don't need you to be my stepping stone.
Yeah, I just want you to come back home,
And just breathe and believe
It will be alright.
But tonight for tonight,
Just let it be.

All the years that I have spent on you,
Does it really even matter?
Through the years, would we amount to something?
Does it really even matter?

Well I don't need you to be my stepping stone.
I just want you to come back home,
And just breathe and believe
It will be alright.
But tonight for just one day.

-pop evil-

Don't Wake Me...

...I plan on sleeping in.

(via balsamia)

To wake from the deepest sleep, plucked instantly from the depths of dreamland, can be be utterly and absolutely jarring. To be "awake" and "coherent" in the alternate universe of the most realistic dream can result in chaos and confusion upon ACTUAL awakening. Lead me into tranquility, re-surface the desires of my subconscious, take my hand and guide me along the path(s) of those longings... Then, please proceed to rip me from the scenario, peel away the breathtaking, painted backdrop, and slap me in the face with the cold hand of reality. Several times, at that. Awaken me so that I may try to once again discern truth from fiction.

It's always so repetitive. You put dreams, people, places away in the back of your mind or heart, and you accept things the way that they come. Then, as quickly and easily it is to fall asleep, those "polaroid images" of the past are once again brought to life. There are voices, smells, sounds and places that you had forgotten all about... But dreams have a way of re-surfacing them. Bringing them back to light/life. Driving us absolutely crazy.

Dreamers are both the luckiest and most cursed individuals. They are free to dream far beyond the restraints of what society deems as "acceptable", enlightening them and also condemning them in all sorts of ways. In times where forgetting is the only solution, they are bound to forever remembering, forever wishing, forever struggling with putting the past to rest.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

You are..

"You are the best parts of all the songs I love."
(via: i wrotethisforyou)

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Memories Bring Us Back...

All those days gone forever
Wonder if we're going to ever
See all our younglife friends that we made again
Have we all lost connection?
The life pulls in all direction
Memories bring us back to where we've been