I've created & kept this blog to compile the thoughts, dreams and wisdom that I've discovered from others or merely written myself. This blog is, in a sense, an expression of everything that is me.. Whether I wrote it or not. The most recent entries are a series of quotes, lyrics and videos.. But travel back through the archives and you'll delve deep into my heart, through my own words.

To those who I've quoted or borrowed from: Thank you for being beautiful.. for deeply inspiring me in one way or another. I hope you find that I've used your material in an appropriate fashion.. I try always to cite my sources. I take NO credit for that which is not my own.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Quotes (part 2)

"She's tough. She tries to hide it. She's difficult. But if you make an effort, she's worth it. She's worth the effort."
-Grey's Anatomy-

t the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need."
-Grey's Anatomy-

"Everytime I look at you... I feel better. It shocks me. It knocks my wind out, but it's true. I don't have to have sex with you, I'd be happy just look at you from across the room. And even that, anything, any piece of you. And, hopefully, all of you...that'd be the best thing."
-Grey's Anatomy-

"Because that's what people do... they leap and hope to God they can fly cause otherwise, we just drop like a rock... wondering the whole way down why in the hell did i jump? but here i am.. falling, there's only one person that makes me feel like i can fly. its you."

"I'm allergic to fabric softener, and I majored in comparative literature at Brown. I hate anchovies and I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met."
-The Wedding Date-

"I want your company. The pleasure of your company. I want your input on video rentals. I stand there for hours, I can't pick anything out. I want someone to say goodnight to, a last call of the day."

"I've been running around for the last year trying to find some clarity and all of a sudden I am so clear, and it's ridiculous, I want to be with you."
-America's Sweethearts-

I had to.


"At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes -- all you need is one. "
-One Tree Hill-

This is unexpected.. We both agree.
But the best things in life usually are.

Knowing something is real happens when..
standards are eliminated, not raised.

people from the past aren't given any thought.. For once.
smiles are frequent, reasons aren't hidden.
there are no worries that THIS ONE will disappear. not even the slightest question.
stressing just doesn't happen.
there is no need to write about people who don't exist.. because now you know they do.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Going Against Previous Entries..

Funny how much some of us yearn for closure for so long.. Only to get it and wish it had remained unknown.

Once something is buried, it shouldn't be unsurfaced.

If you could actually find out the truths of your past, when it REALLY came down to it.. would you really want to know? Or would you rather continue pretending to know, because it sounds so much better than the reality??

Memories change when things come out. Memories that, until truth strikes, meant so much to reflect upon.

I'd rather pretend. Contradicting everything I usually write about, I know. I beg for answers and plead for clarity more than the average person even cares about... Yet here I am, finally having answers to things that haunted me for so long.. & instead of being happy, I'm sitting here wishing that I could still be wondering and pretending and lacking any closure at all.

Some things are better left unsaid, unresolved, unknown.

Leave the past at what it really is... Past. A learning experience. Milestones. Nothing more.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Rainy Days.

"I'm wearing your scarf cause I love the way it smells, the weather definitely isn’t calling for it, but it makes my memory feel comfortable."

It's 2:30 in the afternoon. Rain is drizzling outside my window. I'm alive.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale again.

Each breath I take reminds me that I deserve this, this "happiness" thing.
I hold it in, just for a second. Just long enough to really treasure the idea of you and I.
It settles in. It's reassuring and new. Familiar but exciting.
This could be everything I've waited for... Or maybe so much more.


Breathing's my favorite. Smiling is a close second.

Without appreciation, living's just another task.
Without understanding, we'd dwell in ignorance.
Without positivity, this journey we've embarked on would find us defeated and broken in the end.

Never take one breath for granted, and never miss out on a chance to laugh or to smile.
Someone out there is waiting to fall in love with it. Let them.
Someone out there is searching to find everything you stand for. Make your presence known.

Raindrops hit my windowsill. Reminds me that I should shower as well.
Though all I'd love to do is curl up under my comforter and dream the afternoon away.
Naps are essential on rainy days, the same as milk is with a PB sandwich.
Crucial. Necessary. Almost too perfect for words... Almost.
(Notice my words.)

You're a much welcomed, unexpected surprise..
As am I to you, I'm positively sure of that.
Stay awhile. I could get used to this.

"To this day i've never written a word about your lips just because I could never found ones that they are deserving of. And i'm not one for breaking habits, so I wont now."

Saturday, March 15, 2008


Colbie Caillat - Oxygen lyrics

I came apart inside a world made of angry people
I found a boy who had a dream
Making everyone smile
He was sunshine
I fell over my feet
Like bricks underwater

How am I supposed to tell you how I feel
I need oxygen
Oh baby if I was your lady
I would make you happy
I'm ever gonna leave, never gonna leave
Oh baby I would be your lady
I am going crazy for you

And so I found a state of mind
Where I could be speechless
I had to try it for a while
To figure out this feeling
This felt so right
Pull me upside down to a place
Where you've been waiting

How am I supposed to tell you how I feel
I need oxygen
Oh baby if I was your lady
I would make you happy
I'm never gonna leave,
Never gonna leave
Oh baby I would be your lady
I am going crazy for you

And you don't wanna keep me waiting
Staring at my fingers
Feeling like a fool

Oh baby I would be your lady
I would make you happy
I'm never gonna leave,
Never gonna leave
Oh baby I would be your lady
I am going crazy, yeah-ohhhh

Tell me what you want,
Baby tell me what you need
Anything I ask baby give it to me
Baby give it to me, give it to me

I came apart inside a world made of angry people
I found a boy who had a dream
Making everyone smile

Song lyrics | Oxygen lyrics

Sunday, March 9, 2008


Not settling means that you love and respect yourself enough to only want the best. Nothing less. Not ever.

Give me positivity...

Saturday, March 8, 2008

The thing is...

...out of everyone in my past, there is only one person who I can't pick up the phone and talk to.

I'm still friendly with everyone else, or on good enough terms to know that when I speak to them, they will respond to me.

There is only one person who I can't contact. And that person is the only person who I really want to, and who I've been wanting to. He's the person who no one else can ever compare to... And he probably would hate to hear that. Subconciously, I always compare them to him. I don't ever mean to. But the things other people don't do remind me of everything that he DID do.

I miss staying up all night, talking for 6 or 7 hours, not hanging up until I walked into class the next morning. I miss cute little texts and pictures and phone calls and IM's and emails.

I don't know why he came into my life, but I'm still so thankful... Even though it hurts to not have him there anymore... Because it reminds me that there ARE wonderful, loyal, charming guys out there.. Guys who are about more than getting drunk or high, who could care less about sleeping with different girls, because they have morals and know how to treat a lady. Guys who I seem to have such a hard time finding, because I let my guard down for jerks and liars.

I still have pictures saved to my old phone. Half of my saved text's are from last year, from his number. I can't bring myself to delete them. I don't know what happened, what went wrong.. But I can't forget. I'm stuck re-playing moments over and over in my head, and I can't stop.

I don't try to think of him. Really, I don't. But he was one of the most incredible people I've ever met. And it's hard to not think of him this month especially.. And every time I meet some scumbag, or let myself get hurt, or find myself settling for less than I deserve, he's instantly back on my mind. No one compares to him.. No one could. There has only been one person since him to come anywhere close... (You know who you are).

It's coming up on a year since he came into my life.. It's been nagging at me like crazy the past few days.

I would give anything to hear his voice again.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Usual types.

It's truly sad and pathetic that getting hit on or having a guy ACT interested, usually signals to me immediately that:

(a) He's an asshole.
(b) He just wants to get laid, and doesn't REALLY care about me.
(c) He's either with someone already, or emotionally hung up on someone else.
(d) He'll be truly interested for a couple of weeks, flirt a ton, and then bail with no explanation.
(e) He's drunk and does it to everyone.

Why the HELL can't someone go crazy over me WITHOUT meeting any of the above-mentioned?!?

Just once I'd like to be the girl that someone is afraid to lose.
Just once I'd like to be on someone's mind all day.
Just once I'd like to be the reason someone falls asleep smiling, and then wakes up checking the phone for messages right away.
Just once I'd like to be the girl someone CAN'T lose interest in.
Just once I'd like to be the girl he WON'T cheat on, no matter what.
Just once I'd like to be the girl who isn't afraid of promises made, because they'll actually come true.
Just once I'd like to fall in love and not have it hurt like hell in the end.
Just once I'd like to know what trust is.
Just once.
Just so I could know what it all feels like.
Just so I don't always have to wonder.


I'm sick of the usual.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

You read this...

"I've never lit a match with intent to start a fire,
but recently the flames are getting out of control..."

-All Time Low-

I'm SO tired of:

being single
caring about being single
being mopey
letting things upset me
not getting answers
meeting unavailable (physically or emotionally) guys.
memories of ((him))
wondering why things happen[ed]
people who flirt for no reason, and then quit.
having a big heart
getting easily annoyed
getting attached
getting walked all over.
always being left for someone better
always being the underdog
not being appreciated
& most of all, being sick.

I hate being sick.
Strong word.

someone fix me..
i've been doing it a year and a half now.

((i'm so tired of fixing myself))

Monday, March 3, 2008


"I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives.

It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night.

And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert.

Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual."

-The Holiday-

then there are those of us who constantly watch other people find love, abuse love, mistreat love, take advantage of and then throw away love like last week's garbage, without a second thought... While we watch in agony, because what we wouldn't GIVE to even HAVE that love in the first place..

They say that love makes people do stupid things... But isn't it a tad bit contradictory when those 'stupid things' jeopardize said love in the long run?!

If you are blessed enough, fortunate enough, to stumble upon something that many others may never even find in their lifetime, TREASURE it. Hold onto it. Appreciate it. And for God's sake, don't EVER risk it for anything. Because somewhere out there, someone else is more deserving, and if you are willing to lay something that incredible on the line (for one sole night of pleasure, for one lie, for a second of hesitation), then that someone else is every bit deserving to take it from you

If you love something... Never, ever risk losing it.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

"This Is Your Message."

"I'd hold the sun up just to wake beside you
Imagine what you could see, if you just let yourself like me
Forget the incidents, thoughtless and abusing
Imagine what you could see, if you just let yourself like me

Cause I do
I was foolish to have thought I could catch you
Stupid to have ever liked you
And you're sly little smile
Curved the comforts I used to find
Drag me inside
I'm yours to use tonight."

But... Who are you?

I'm tired of looking,
and more tired of happening upon fakes.

Find me something real...
Or better yet,
just find me.

I'm here.
I'm waiting.
I'm often over-looked,
and great at pretending I'm better off.
I'm usually "better as a friend",
no one looks further than that.

I want the unattainable.


Does anything like that exist anymore,
or is this dreamer hopeless??