I've created & kept this blog to compile the thoughts, dreams and wisdom that I've discovered from others or merely written myself. This blog is, in a sense, an expression of everything that is me.. Whether I wrote it or not. The most recent entries are a series of quotes, lyrics and videos.. But travel back through the archives and you'll delve deep into my heart, through my own words.

To those who I've quoted or borrowed from: Thank you for being beautiful.. for deeply inspiring me in one way or another. I hope you find that I've used your material in an appropriate fashion.. I try always to cite my sources. I take NO credit for that which is not my own.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

We do...

We do what we can--as much as we can
and then we do more.. or better.
-general hospital-

Monday, March 30, 2009


Do you even remember me anymore? Because I remember you. I remember a lot of you, and a lot of who I used to be. I don't know if that qualifies me as being pathetic or if it just makes me like everyone else... Either way, I know I'm alone in this whole remembering thing. I remember songs and I remember phrases. Words you spoke that sounded like poetry to me, words that no one else to this day could even try to compete with. I remember songs and how they moved you.. How, in turn, they moved me. I remember the feel of your hand in mine, your skin against my own. How innocent you seemed as you let me into your heart. How innocent your lips felt as you placed them upon mine, and then later apologized for rushing me. How innocent you might never have been. How blind I really might have been after all.

At the end of the day, do we really know anything about the people we get to know, or is it all an elaborate, decorated scheme? At the end of the road, at the end of each "fairy-tale", is there anything left to call real? Or is that the beauty of fairy-tales--a false belief in something too good to ever be in existence? Will we ever know? Or does it remain trapped away as nothing more than a memory, if even that?

Still, through the darkest veils of uncertainty and disbelief... I remember. I remember, and I will never forget. Forgetting is too hard.

I wish I could do it.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Whatever Differences Our Lives Have Been, We Together Make A Limb.

This is the story of the boys who loved you
Who love you now and loved you then
And some were sweet and some were cold and snuffed you
And some just layed around in bed
And some, they crumbled you straight to your knees
Did it cruel, did it tenderly
Some they crawled their way into your heart
To rend your ventricles apart
This is the story of the boys who loved you
-the decemberists-

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Second Chances.

Please don't cry
One tear for me
I'm not afraid of
What I have to say
This is my one and
Only voice
So listen close, it's
Only for today
Well I just saw Hayley's comet, she waved
Said "why you always running in place?
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere"
Tell my mother,
Tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying...
Sometimes goodbye
Is a second chance

Have you ever wished for a second chance to change something in your life?? Whether to erase something, do something differently, take back certain words or say the words you never did... We all have regrets, or things we wished had happened in a much different way. Sometimes, it's healing to let those regrets out.. To "spill the beans"... Anonymously, publicly, secretly. Sometimes coming clean is the best thing we can do for ourselves. Here's to second chances, even if they're only the verbal sort.

Earth Hour...

is tonight, from 8:30 pm until 9:30 pm, wherever in the world you live.
Shut off your lights for that hour and join the rest of the world... Vote Earth!


Friday, March 27, 2009

Historical Significance

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment
before starting to improve the world."
-Anne Frank-

If you haven't been to Boston, here is something to consider visiting.
Memorials like this inspire me... Make me think... They change me, everytime.

History is commemorated to celebrate and remember the lives and/or actions of wonderful people, and to teach future generations what NOT to repeat.

History is a learning tool.. But, like any other tool, it only operates properly if we teach ourselves the correct way to use it.

If you're in Boston and looking for something to do, check it out and reflect on something much bigger than any of us can even begin to fathom... Let it inspire you, settle in your mind and, quite possibly, change the way you view things.

“Not to transmit an experience is to betray it.”
-Elie Wiesel-

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Almost Heaven

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong.

-john denver-

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


"The fact is, we're just people. We screw up, we lose our way. Even the best of us, have
our off days. Still we move forward. We don't rest on all the rules or celebrate the lives we've saved in the past."

-Grey's Anatomy-

"Life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences, but rather, it's a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite sublime plan."


"Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make."

-The Office-


We really only are who we allow ourselves to be. We can be winners or losers, saints or sinners, real or fake. We have been granted the ability to discern good from evil, and the decision is ultimately ours to make. We are a compilation of everything we decide to pick up over time. We are combinations of all the people who leave the biggest imprints on our hearts and hardest impacts on our lives--positive or not. We are a series of mistakes and lessons. We take our experiences and, with them, better or worsen our futures. We break hearts, relationships and promises like curfews, but hate the world when the tables are turned and our own hearts are suffering. We lie to people we love, and we say it's for the best. We forgive (sometimes) but we never, ever forget. We are the bigger person but at times, we are our own army. We fight, we cry, we laugh and we love. We try to deny the things that are best for us, while giving in to everything that we know is wrong. We make excuses. We struggle. We fall down (a lot) and often, we get right back up again.. But sometimes, we choose to stay fallen for a little while.. and that's alright.

We aren't perfect. No man is. We weren't created to defy the rest of mankind, and we certainly weren't made to hate the world, either. We weren't designed to win all of the time, nor were we intended to always lose. We are all, in our own individual way, "destined for greatness."

We are merely human. People. Each a separate experiment, if you will. We are allowed to slip up/screw up/mess up... Many, many times. We are given chances to make things right time and again, without carrying the burden of absolute perfection. We aren't required to be anybody other than the person that we ourselves choose to become. And that in itself, even amidst an often dark & ugly world, is truly beautiful.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

An Excerpt...

by: dr. seuss

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Friday, March 20, 2009


So you want a heart? You don`t know how lucky you are to not have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
-Wizard of Oz-

It’s not hard. It’s painful but it’s not hard. You know what to do already. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be in this much pain.
-Grey's Anatomy-

I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and... I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments.
-High Fidelity-

It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals... Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people really are good at heart.
-Anne Frank-

As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.
-Sex In the City-

Friday, March 13, 2009


Soft, white sand under our feet... Our beach has the best sand. In the daytime, it can get scalding hot, but at night, it's cool and soothing. I always love taking people to our ocean for the first time in their life. It's so memorable and amusing. March nights are usually warm with a cool breeze; perfect for wearing a sweatshirt and sitting by the ocean. You have to roll up your pants and take your sneakers off, if you're wearing them, but even then, you'll still have sand in all sorts of places when you leave. That's one thing about our beach.. It doesn't like to get left behind. It likes to go home with you.. Whether in your car, 5 miles away, on the plane, or even states away where you live. Somehow, it's not always an annoying thing, finding smuggled sand; rather, it's romantic and something to treasure. Something to look at and reflect upon the times it saw you through, and the wonderful memories it shared with you.

It's a beautiful place for first dates and first kisses. Just walk down to the ocean and dip your feet in, to test for chilliness. If it's the slightest bit warm, stand there and look up at the sky, taking in the stars and the moment.. Feeling each others hearts beating wildly, out of control. The adrenaline rush from that alone is such a confidence-booster.. Makes a person feel invincible, or like they can walk on the water they are standing in. Walk up the beach a bit, and sit on the cool sand. Get to know one-another, while trying (not very hard) to resist flirtation.. & kissing.. & grinning like a school kid with a playground crush. Stay for hours. If she gets chilly, he'll walk to the car and fetch her his jacket. She'll feel bold and slip off the anklet she wears, placing it on his wrist as a token to remember the night by. The early morning hours are the best to stay until.. The sunset is magical and time comes to a stand-still.. Time doesn't even begin to matter at that precise moment.

No matter how long down the road and how many trips to the beach, to other beaches, there will always be that night. Our beach, in it's splendor, has the capability of trapping you in some of the most majestic moments of your life.


Wednesday, March 11, 2009


We are all human. We make mistakes, we screw up, and sometimes, we are left out in the cold with no answers and no certainty. We all wear bruises of different sorts, and our stories are all individually unique. We fight, we struggle, we laugh and we cry. At the end of the day, we are all survivors. How we choose to show that is another story entirely.

Do we take what we've been through and use that as a positive guide, or as a negative one? Experiences serve to teach us lessons in life. Getting through them is only half the battle... The aftermath is the rest of it. If we can survive through some of the most difficult and trying tests in life, why wouldn't we continue to survive beyond them? Rather than play the victim or the loser, why not continue being a survivor, and showing the world the strength that's carried you thus far?

We are defined by our experiences. We are also defined by how we react in the face of them. Our characters are molded by ourselves and how we respond to difficulties in our lives. A survivor is someone who fought to live and triumphed. If we've come that far already and are still standing on our feet when the winds of adversity cease to blow, how could we possibly allow ourselves then to crumble to our knees, like we'd never won at all?

Life is about more than surviving. Life is about continuing to survive, over and over again.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


(via: ~im-buni)

You don't remember me

but I remember you
twas not so long ago..
-little anthony-

The smile you gave me was just a brief affair
And anyone could see
You don’t remember me
I kept on staring into your eyes
And once again I felt what you don’t even recognize.
-diane schuur-

The truth is hiding in your eyes
& it's hanging on your tongue,
just boiling in my blood.
But you think that I can't see
what kind of man that you are,
if you're a man at all...

I Caught Fire

You could stay and watch me fall, and of course, I'd ask for help.

-the used-
It's funny how much time can pass but how sharp our memories still are. Sights, sounds, tastes.. The tiniest of reminders can bring us back into moments--significant or not--from our past. Certain songs forever hold ties to people/places. Past destinations never let us forget everything. There's always something there to remind [you].

It was a warm day that afternoon. We were stuck in traffic and didn't know if we'd make it in time. We did, though. Make it in time, I mean. I had worn my friend's black slip-on shoes that were far too small, and sorely (figuratively AND literally) regretted it all night. I was in one of my cranky moods, for some reason. Nothing too out of the ordinary for me, I suppose. I hate big crowds, but somehow got sucked into a large pit when I was trying to follow my two friends. The large man in front of me kept jumping on my toes, and it took everything in me to not cry... But God, I wanted to. I tried yelling so he'd get off of me, but amidst the crowd of screaming, drunken fools, my voice was more than lost. So I pinched. I pinched hard. He jumped, and I scurried away. I would have swollen, ugly bruises on both feet for several days.. Bad enough that I couldn't wear closed shoes. I have avoided crowds that large since that day, actually.

I'm a little girl. Not tiny, but I'm little... So I get pushed around far too easily. Fortunately, after I escaped bigfoot, I was taken under the wing of several tall, obnoxious guys, who found it (in their drunken state) their privileged duty to protect me and guide me out of the crowd. Thank God for them.. I don't know how long I could have survived had I not been lifted out when I was. This is no exaggeration, you know. As soon as my feet hit the ground, I ran. I ran away from the crowd, away from the sweaty stench of hundreds of bodies, and I found refuge right in front of the sound-tent. It was cool and less crowded. I fluctuated between sitting on the dirt/grass and standing up. It got chilly.. I was only wearing a tube-top and jeans.

That's where you came in. You offered me your spot against the fence... Repeatedly. And, true to form, I repeatedly turned you down. I wasn't there for that. I wasn't there for any other reason than to try to enjoy myself after months of hurting and confusion. You weren't creepy, though. You were persistent. You were kind. We wound up exchanging small talk.. Nothing more than funny lines and polite conversation. We talked about the night, about music, about the two guys on stage who thought it appropriate to kiss for all to see. I didn't even hear your name over the noise, but we chatted and grinned at each other anyway. I finally wound up leaning against the fence, and then standing on it, since I couldn't see. It was nice. It was casual. As the night was wrapping up, you leaned over and asked if you could get my number... & I dropped the boyfriend line. Of course, I didn't have one, but I was trying to be guarded after certain recent events had taught me to use caution. Then, for some reason STILL unknown to me, I changed my mind and hurriedly gave you my number anyway. I didn't get yours, but I didn't realize that until you dipped out. My friend piggy-back carried me to the car, since I really couldn't walk, and the entire time, I was hoping (for what reason, too!?) that I'd get a message or a call from the stranger who I'd given my numer to only minutes before. And... I did. Moments later. Moments after I started driving out of the parking lot. Moments before I realized that my phone was broken. We texted until my battery died.

Like I said. Certain songs forever hold ties to things in our past. I heard this song awhile back, out of the blue, and it was deja vu all over again. That brings me to this day. It was on this date a few years back that my story took place. I remember the oddest, most unnecessary details. It traps me, it may make me look pathetic and vulnerable, but it defines who I am. This is not some pitiful cry out in hopes of reconciliation, nor is it an attempt at getting your attention. This isn't leftover l
onging, and it's not at all pathetic or cause for you to get annoyed. I'm sure this will remain unread by anyone you even know. This is my chance to say that I don't forget things in my life. I can't wipe things away as if they never existed/occurred, and I face reminders every day of my life.

It's a little strange to be the only one to remember a thing like this.. To remember details so insignificant.. To bring them to light years later. It's strange being the only one to not have forgotten, and to have wanted to remember. Because remembering is so much better when it's not done in shame or uncertainty.

Monday, March 9, 2009


Drown your fears with me
I'm feeling real sorry
Your glossy eyes don't need
The sadness they have seen
But you're way too deep to swim
Back up again
But somehow I can't find
The moment you said goodbye

Until Sunday I'll be waiting for an answer
I guess that yesturday's not good enough for you,
You know that I hate this song,
You know that I hate this song
Because it was written for you

This is becoming a problem I'm hurting it's unfair
But somehow your words,
The way that I heard are haunting me,
You're under my skin
You're breaking in.

...you know that I hate this song
Because it was written for you.

(("I Hate This Song"))

If you're curious,
My favorite color's blue
And I like to sing in the shower
If you like, I'll sing to you

Tell me all the things you never said
We can lie here and talk for hours in my bed

I don't have anything to hide
I don't have anything
Everything is not for certain

(("Take Me With You"))

B-day Highlights..

As usual, our "family get-together" proved to be quite eventful.. Never a dull moment with this bunch! A day full of sarcastic quips, sibling angst, puppy chaos and delicious food, mom's birthday dinner was, surprisingly, successful. Happy Birthday, mom!

Graceon got to meet Khia, his new cousin. Needless to say, he's a spoiled little brat, so he wasn't too friendly toward her at first... It took about an hour of snarling, growling and snapping for him to realize that she was legit. After that, they were two crazy bud's, chasing each other around and rough-housing for the rest of the day/night. Try cooking in a kitchen with two psycho dogs tearing after on another.. It's a workout!!

Insert flying saliva from Graceon's mouth, along with slow-motion sound effects ("Ohhhh.. Noooo.."), and it's almost like watching an instant replay hit in NFL, is it not?! Replace fooball players with puppy dogs, and I'm sold on it.

I've been doing a lot of online recipe hunting lately. I found all kinds of awesome dessert recipes, including many for cakes and cupcakes. After a lot of hard searching, I decided to try to create a cupcake bouquet. I thought it was a cute idea. Dre decided to coin the term "Grandma Carissa", and so I've been labeled. Either way, I'm not knitting, and it turned out really well. I considered this to be an experimental run, and I think it was a success! I want to keep baking and practicing with frosting tips.. I'm always so fascinated by the neat things that people can create in/with icing.

My Konstantine.

I can't imagine all the people that you know
and the places that you go
when the lights are turned down low
and I don't understand all the things you've seen
but i'm slipping inbetween
you and your big dreams
it's always you
in my big dreams

and you tell me that it's over
wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clovers
and your restless, and i'm naked
you've gotta get out
you can't stand to see me shaking, no
could you let me go?
I didn't think so

and you don't wanna be here in the future
so you say the present's just a pleasant interruption to the past
and you don't wanna look much closer
cuz your afraid to find out all this hope
you had sent into the sky by now had crashed..
and it did, because of me

and then you bring me home
afraid to find out that you're alone
and i'm sleeping in your living room
but we don't have much room to live

I had these dreams that i learned to play guitar
maybe cross the country
become a rock star
and there was hope in me that i could take you there
but dammit you're so young
well i don't think i care
and if i hurt you
then i'm sorry
please don't think that this was easy

then you bring me home
cuz we both know what it's like to be alone
and i'm dreaming in your living room
but we don't have much room to live..

and i was thinking
what i was thinking
we've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere..
and i've been thinking
it hurts me thinking that these nights
when we were drinking no they never got us anywhere..

this is because i can spell konfusion with a k,
and i like it.
it's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it
it's to jimmy eat world and those nights in my car
when the first star you see may not be a star
I'm not your star
isn't that what you said?
what you thought this song meant?

and if this is what it takes
just to lie with my mistakes
and live with what i did to you
and all the hell I put you through
I always catch the clock
it's 11:11
and now you want to talk
it's not hard to dream
you'll always be my konstantine

konstantine, they'll never hurt you like i do
no they'll never hurt you like i do

this is to a [guy] who got into my head
with all the pretty things he did
you know
you keep me up in bed
this is to a [guy] who got into my head
with all the fucked up things i did
you could keep me up in bed
my Konstantine
spin around me like a dream we played out on this movie screen
and i said
did you know i missed you?
oh god i miss you

and then you bring me home
and we'll go to sleep, but this time, not alone, no no
and you'll kiss me in your living room
i know
you'll miss me in your living room
cuz these nights i think maybe that i'll miss you in my living room
we don't have much room
i said does anybody need that room?
because we all need a little more room
to live

my Konstantine

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


Been thinking about you, your record's a hit.

Your eyes are on my wall, your teeth are over there
But I'm still no one, and you're not a star
What do you care
I've been thinking about you, so how can you sleep
These people aren't your friends, they're paid to kiss your feet
They don't know what I know, and why should you care
When I'm not there

And I, will always stand between us
And hold you so high
Just enough to watch you fade
Tonight you'll cry yourself asleep
As I lay awake in some far off city
Pretend you're lying next to me
Eyes wide open dreaming of you
Don't go away again,
I want to be more than a phone call at 4am.
Seems like every time you come back home
It's just to steal my heart and leave.
Don't go away again,
I want to be more than a story to tell your friends.
Seems like every time you come back home
It's just to make me fall again.
-every avenue-

From Here You're Haunting Me...

to advance or not to advance-
I hear you laughing.
even still you're calling me...
"not tonight, not tonight
not tonight, Josephine."

-tori amos-

Monday, March 2, 2009

Quotes II.

You do your thing, I'll do mine. You go your way, I'll go mine.
And if we end up together, it's beautiful
((boy meets world))

Tragedies happen. What are you gonna do, give up? Quit? No.
I realize now that when your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better, & that something is worth fighting for.
((one tree hill))

If having things turn out the way you want them to is a measure of a successful life then some would say I was a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past. And recognize that everyday won't be silence and when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair, remember it's only in the black of night that you can see the stars and those stars lead you back home. So don't be afraid to make mistakes, stumble, fall, cause most of the time the greatest rewards come from the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wish for, maybe you'll get more than you could ever imagine. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long and in the end the journey is the destination.
((one tree hill))

Whoever said What you don't know can't hurt you was a complete and total moron.
Because ... for most people I know, not knowing is the worst feeling in the world.
((grey's anatomy))

I don't know anyone who isn't haunted by something or someone. And whether we try to slice the pain away with a scalpel or shove it in the back of a closet- our efforts usually fail. So the only way we can clear out the cobwebs is to turn a new page or put an old story to rest- finally, finally to rest.
((grey's anatomy))

You know that place between sleep and awake, where you're still dreaming? that's where i'll always think of you. that's where i'll be waiting.

You spend all your time looking for love yet you feel nothing, even when its staring you in the face. I will love again but YOU will spend all your life knowing you turned your back on love and THAT makes you a hypocrite.
((cruel intentions))

But I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, that means you feel something too. All I ask is that you not dismiss that-at least for ten seconds-and try to dwell in it. there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who's ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it's there between you and me, you can't deny that. And even if we never speak again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me.
((chasing amy))

All I want to do is forget her. All I want to do is escape her and, you know, I can't.
((grey's anatomy))

It felt like you and I were the greatest plan ever made and I had nothing to do with it. Being with you made me feel that, maybe I didn't have to plan anymore because it felt like I was actually living, and for once in my life I wouldn't have to work so hard at being happy, that it could just happen, nothing will ever hurt me as much as your reaction to that same experience.
((boys and girls))

You can erase someone from your mind.
Getting them out of your heart is another story.
((eternal sunshine of the spotless mind))

See when you're mad, you don't miss people. So if you stay mad, it's like you never knew them at all. That way you don't feel sucky about them leaving you .
((uptown girls))

Sunday, March 1, 2009


And… I’ve spent these past couple months acting like you were just going to show up outside my door one day, but you’re not. You are out there following your dreams which is what I want for you... I think it’s time that I let you go. And it’s really hard for me to do because I know that there’s a part of me that will be in love with you for the rest of my life. But this whole running in place and day dreaming is just not healthy for either of us. So this is me cutting the cord, this is me doing what I should have done three months ago. Say goodbye.

((dawson's creek))

In the best possible way, you have absolutely wrecked me. Because you see, I fell in love with you, knowing that there was never any possibility of being with you.
((dawson's creek))

You wanted a kiss. Is that what you want? Are you prepared for everything that comes with that kiss? cause it doesn't just end with a fade out. There are repercussions. Hearts get broken. Friendships get ruined. Your entire life could fall apart because of one kiss. That's what you have to look foward to. Do yourself a big favor.. don't rush it.
((dawson's creek))

I fill my days with memories of him. I remember how he used to look at me, as if I was his most valuable treasure. Has he found a new treasure? I can't help but wonder if we will be able to find our way back to each other. The road seems so very long, and my head is crowded with such a dark thought. I feel our bond grows weaker by the day and I'm powerless to stop it.
((dawson's creek))

Maybe some friendships aren't meant to be saved. maybe we're meant to spend a certain part of our life with certain people...and then move on.
((dawson's creek))

I called because I wanted you to know that despite everything that's happened and all the miles between us right now, I still think about the way it was in the beginning.
((dawson's creek))

Pathetic. I know. I know. And I thought I was over him. I really, really did. But then I bumped into him a little while ago, and...I mean, technically we're friends, right? And that's how I played it. But then it's, like, when I saw him, every irritating/adorable thing he ever did flashed before my eyes, and... I mean, that's the true test, right? When you just bump into somebody... And if you're not over him, then boom--floodgates.
((dawson's creek))

See, there this guy... And when I met him, it was like... Like a shade going up in a dark room and light suddenly pouring in. He understood me in a way that no one ever did or could. And then, just as suddenly, the room got dark again.
((dawson's creek))

it hurts to be around you. When I see you, even from across the room, it brings up a thousand memories. Not just of us, but of my entire life before. It's like I'm frozen in this place that I can't bear to be. I care about you so much. As long as I can remember, everything's always come back to you. I mean, even no matter what was happening between us. Even the thought of you is at least a constant comfort, but... I can't go back. It just hurts.
((dawson's creek))