I've created & kept this blog to compile the thoughts, dreams and wisdom that I've discovered from others or merely written myself. This blog is, in a sense, an expression of everything that is me.. Whether I wrote it or not. The most recent entries are a series of quotes, lyrics and videos.. But travel back through the archives and you'll delve deep into my heart, through my own words.

To those who I've quoted or borrowed from: Thank you for being beautiful.. for deeply inspiring me in one way or another. I hope you find that I've used your material in an appropriate fashion.. I try always to cite my sources. I take NO credit for that which is not my own.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

The thing is...

...out of everyone in my past, there is only one person who I can't pick up the phone and talk to.

I'm still friendly with everyone else, or on good enough terms to know that when I speak to them, they will respond to me.

There is only one person who I can't contact. And that person is the only person who I really want to, and who I've been wanting to. He's the person who no one else can ever compare to... And he probably would hate to hear that. Subconciously, I always compare them to him. I don't ever mean to. But the things other people don't do remind me of everything that he DID do.

I miss staying up all night, talking for 6 or 7 hours, not hanging up until I walked into class the next morning. I miss cute little texts and pictures and phone calls and IM's and emails.

I don't know why he came into my life, but I'm still so thankful... Even though it hurts to not have him there anymore... Because it reminds me that there ARE wonderful, loyal, charming guys out there.. Guys who are about more than getting drunk or high, who could care less about sleeping with different girls, because they have morals and know how to treat a lady. Guys who I seem to have such a hard time finding, because I let my guard down for jerks and liars.

I still have pictures saved to my old phone. Half of my saved text's are from last year, from his number. I can't bring myself to delete them. I don't know what happened, what went wrong.. But I can't forget. I'm stuck re-playing moments over and over in my head, and I can't stop.

I don't try to think of him. Really, I don't. But he was one of the most incredible people I've ever met. And it's hard to not think of him this month especially.. And every time I meet some scumbag, or let myself get hurt, or find myself settling for less than I deserve, he's instantly back on my mind. No one compares to him.. No one could. There has only been one person since him to come anywhere close... (You know who you are).

It's coming up on a year since he came into my life.. It's been nagging at me like crazy the past few days.

I would give anything to hear his voice again.

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