On A Roll Today...

"If you don't go after what you want, you will never have it.
If you don't ask, the answer will always be 'No'."

I'm not going to sit back and watch life pass me by.
I've seen it happen to too many people.

I've been observing things in my life recently..
Trying to get a grasp on what it is I really do need,
what things are negative, bringing me down...
How to fix myself. To not be walked all over. To be happy all the time.

Seems the answer is in leaving.

I love my friends here to no end.
They have been with me through some of the hardest times of my life.
They always have my back, no matter what.
They love me unconditionally, even when I screw up bad.
I couldn't ask for better people in my life.

So yes, leaving them will be absolutely painful and so hard..
But because they are so wonderful,
I know that they will still be here for me,
whether we are separated by 5 minutes, or 3000 miles.

I have support.
I have goals.
I have determination.
I have motivation..

I need to put it all into action.

I've been on an emotional high all day.
No, not upset emotions...
I mean I've been happy. REALLY happy.
I've given a lot of things consideration.
I've come to the conclusion that I let myself get phased by too many things.
Not anymore!!!

For everyone who has ever wronged me,
for everyone who has ever broken my heart,
for everyone who has disrespected me or hurt me intentionally,
for everyone who has ever lied to me, cheated me, etc...
For everyone who said they'd be there, and weren't...
for everyone who has led me on...
for everyone who has broken my trust...
for everyone who has wrongfully blamed me, or slandered my name...
and for everyone who has disappeared from my life with no explanation...

I FORGIVE YOU.

I have no room in my life for anger or bitter feelings toward anyone.
I'm a great person, an incredible friend, a rare catch.
If people couldn't/can't see that,
THEIR LOSS.
Not my problem.
Not worth crying over, or stressing about.
Not worth trying to fix or correct.
I'm forgiving everything, and letting go.

People who see, appreciate and respect the REAL me
are the people who love me,
and the only people worth being in my life.

I'm not wasting anymore time on trying to win people over,
or get people back,
or convince people that they should be with me.
Why force things that don't want you?!

I have friends that others would kill to have.
I have a family that will always be there.
I have faith and confidence and love.
I believe in myself.

I'm a lucky girl.

Someday, I'll find someone who sees that,
and won't ever let me go.

I'll wait forever, as lonely as it may be..
Because I refuse to settle for anything less.

I refuse to settle for someone who doesn't give me butterflies.
I refuse to settle for someone who can't give me the time of day.
I refuse to settle for for broken promises.
I refuse to settle for affection and love one minute, and disappearances the next.
I'm TOO used to that.

Be different.

& guys, I know that so many of you are incredible and rare,
and would treat me better than I could imagine..
and I have so many male friends who get so angry
at all of the pain I put myself through time after time..
I always hear, "why do you go for people like that,
when you could have me?"

The answer??

You ARE so great. You really are.
But you are who you are in my life because I need you to be there.
If I don't feel that type of connection, or that type of attraction,
or any feelings other than friendly ones,
then I'm not going to date you,
as AMAZING and sweet and rare as you are.
Yes, it is my loss,
but in actuality, I'm losing nothing,
because I get to have a friend like you in my life.
I won't be with someone who I don't feel passion for,
because that is forcing things,
and that will leave one or both of us miserable down the road.
PLEASE know and respect that.

<3

"You can always find her in the bottom of a plastic cup,
drowning in drunk sincerity, a sad & lonely girl."
-plus44-