Truth.

I once saw a quote that read something along the lines of this:

"I am an optimist.. But I'm an optimist that always carries a raincoat."


Though I find myself relating so many different quotes to my life, I find that to be one of the most applicable and defining. It took over 18 years of trials, mistakes, messing up, repeating old mistakes, and going down the wrong path for me to open my eyes and realize what I was doing wrong.. I wasn't living. I was alive, and I was breathing, but in a sense, I was closer to being dead than anything else. I took life and everything it encompasses for granted. After several hard truths and tragedies finally opened my eyes to what I had been over-looking for so long, I woke up. I realized that one can't live on negativity.. It takes strength and the attitude of an optimist to move forward in life. So, with the little positivity I could muster, I began living all over again. Really living. The kind of living that most people never get to experience. I took chances. I wore my heart on my sleeve. I started living "balls out", because after all.. We only get the chance to say how we feel and to live our lives right ONCE. There is no going back. There are no "what if?"'s, there are no second chances once the moments have passed us by... So why not be a little rebellious? Why not take chances, or say what we feel? & better yet, why not try to find good in ever situation, and look at things optimistically? I became a spokesperson for positivity and optimism.

But... Despite it all... I remain cautious. I have walls. I stay guarded. I may cry over guys now and then, but it doesn't last more than a couple of hours. I feel like I will always be alone, and, while it sucks, I don't let myself get miserable. I'm a damn good person, and I'm well aware of it. But I always keep my "raincoat" with me, no matter how great the future looks. And most of the time, that raincoat comes in pretty handy.

I wrote this to someone recently while talking about life and such... & I'm glad it was saved, because I really didn't think about what I was writing until it was re-written by them:

"You must fight for what you love, dismiss what doesn't love you enough, say what you feel, and do what you dream of. There is no going back, no what if's and saying things is always better than just wondering what could have been."


So... I'm an optimist. An eternal optimist. A hopeless romantic. A far-fetched dreamer. The often-overlooked friend. An impossible-to-love, with-everything-to-offer, waiting-for-someone-to-actually-notice-her, bundle of nerves and ideas. I'm over-analytical, but practical. I'm a realist, but I never stop holding out hope. I'm a firm believer in fairy-tales and happy endings, but I've yet to experience anything remotely close. Yet through it all, I remain an optimist. I remain strong and hopeful, where the girl I used to be would have long-since given up. I keep my fingers crossed.. But I never cease to be a realist through it all, either.

People don't get the best of me. Especially when no one has given "the best of me" a chance yet.

I'm the girl who gets told, "You deserve better; you're beautiful and smart and funny, and someone else deserves you," by the guys who I end up falling for... Irony? Maybe. Stupidity? Absolutely.. But it's the truth. I know I'll find someone eventually who would never stop fighting for me... But I'm getting so tired of not having that person now.

Optimistic? Yes... But a bottle of wine later and the continuous love songs playing through my headphones 4 days before Valentines Day (along with the impending realization that yet ANOTHER V-day will be spent single and alone) is doing a heck of a number on my good spirit tonight.