Faking.

Positivity is the hardest thing in the world to have. Strength and courage are close behind, but positivity definitely takes the combination of both, and is SO much harder to fake...

Telling yourself that you're happy when you aren't; Smiling through tears and saying things will be alright; wrapping your arms around yourself at night just to "know" what being held feels like, but pretending that being alone is much better; Cheering up a friend for the exact something that is ripping you apart inside; Lying awake in bed, unable to sleep, haunted by thoughts and still convincing yourself that better things will come; Having the ability to keep emotions bottled inside, but when something is hurting, being unable to cry, and THAT hurting ten times MORE than it would if you were able to cry; Watching different people come in and out of your life, same situations, and always a goodbye... But trying to believe that maybe someday, someone will actually stay...

...all are forms of "positivity".

Having the strength to take a look at your past and realize that everything happens for a reason, and reaching out to others with the same hope and inspirational thoughts is greatly respected and applauded.. But what happens next? Do you continue living life with this mind-set that people can always hurt you, but you'll move on eventually and learn from it? When does it become okay for you to NOT want to move on, and NOT want to learn from it anymore?? When does it become realistic for love to actually happen to you, and for people to NOT hurt you anymore??? Is that point ever reached? Or, after you've become the spokesperson for positivity, are you supposed to live that way forever?

When is it alright to stop being the person who everyone thinks is happy all the time, without being afraid that people will see that you aren't happy, and get satisfaction out of knowing they brought you down? When is it alright to not WANT to cry, and to actually have the ability TO cry when needed, instead of trying and not being able to? When is it alright for there to BE no thoughts about being positive or negative, and to stop making things so complicated, for fear of getting hurt worse???

Not saying that negativity is the right path, but at this moment in time... It seems like a hell of a lot more fun than faking smiles and hiding feelings.