Breathe.

"Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me"

Classical Concert... Attended.
Research paper... Done.
Tax Return... Cashed.
Financial Aid Refund... Returned.
Company... Gone.
Rent Check... Written.
Cell & Credit Bills... Paid.
Training @ Work... OVER.

Thank GOD the week is over... Figuratively speaking, of course.
What a great feeling it is to look back at everything I stressed about this week and know that I can breathe again... At least, til next week.

But whatever.

I find it silly how, at 4:15 am, I'm absolutely positive about life, in the mind-set that everything happens for a reason...
Yet during the day, all I did was feel sorry for myself for losing people from my life, or for making stupid mistakes that I typically would NEVER make.
That's ridiculous.

Tonight I spoke with a man who told me that I'm beautiful because I have "such an amazing personality", and because I have a good head on my shoulders... That any guy who I date is damn lucky, and that they'd better know that... I just smiled and thanked the man profusely, but inside, I was secretly wishing that the people I DO end up dating /liking could feel the same way that man felt.. Could view me the way that he did. It kind of reminded me more and more that I'm alone, and how I've always wished for that... Oh well.

Realistically speaking, it's better than I'm alone anyway... I have a bad habit of falling for guys who could care less about me, or who hit the road soon after my feelings start developing... Or the guys who leave me for their ex girlfriend.. That was the reoccurring theme of 2007 for me. Aren't there any incredible, AVAILABLE guys out there??!?

I need to stop getting hung-up on things that are way out of my grasp.. lost friendships, old relationships, mistakes i've made, guys I can't ever have... And just not care. Not caring is so hard, though, when I'm used to wearing my heart on my sleeve. I care far too much for my own good.

Tomorrow is my off day.. No school, no work, no stupid anything... (knock on wood)... The Aiden guys are in town, so I'll most likely head to St Pete with Kourt. Either way, I'm determined to have fun. I deserve it.. I exhausted myself this past week between school, work, stress and being mopey over certain situations the past couple of months.. I need to stop!!

Live. Love. Dream.