Avoidance.

"If you ever said you missed me, then don't say you never lied..." (Br&new)

For the most part, people are afraid of change. They are afraid that, by changing things, they are erasing memories or re-writing the past. It's the reason why people live in denial, continuing their lives under a tremendous fog. It is the reason that they busy themselves, leaving little time to dwell, or to realize that things are never going to be the same as they once were. We try to avoid drastic changes because sudden change makes us feel guilty. It overwhelms us. Because suddenly, without warning, everything that we once had & knew to be normal can be gone for good.

For example, the text messages that I still, to this day, have saved to my phone. The most random of messages that, at one time, meant the world to me.. Or simply just brought a smile to my face. The messages that, upon reflection, bring me back to a certain time in my lief when I thought I had it figured out... At least for a little while. The messages from several characters in my life that I still can't allow myself to forget or delete.. For absolutely no reason at all. It's not that I'm living in denial... I'm not. It's not being hung up on the past, either. It's just something inside of me that won't allow me to NOT hold on to those tiny fractions of my life that are still held so close to my heart... In hopes that I'll never forget any little part of this journey I've been on for quite some time now.

It's to dried-out roses that still hang from our ceilings, and simple treasures we still keep in a shoebox under our beds. It's to teddy bears and blankets we still sleep with or near, and old pictures in frames that we "never got around to changing out." It's to dozens of barely-dented journals and scrapbooks, and bags that never got unpacked after those nights we'd hoped would have lasted forever. It's to certain songs and the way they move us... & not ever being able to hear the songs the same way again. It's to holding our pasts a little tighter each day, for fear of forgetting the best memories...