I've created & kept this blog to compile the thoughts, dreams and wisdom that I've discovered from others or merely written myself. This blog is, in a sense, an expression of everything that is me.. Whether I wrote it or not. The most recent entries are a series of quotes, lyrics and videos.. But travel back through the archives and you'll delve deep into my heart, through my own words.

To those who I've quoted or borrowed from: Thank you for being beautiful.. for deeply inspiring me in one way or another. I hope you find that I've used your material in an appropriate fashion.. I try always to cite my sources. I take NO credit for that which is not my own.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008


jumbled thoughts. cluttered idea fragments.

personified chaos.

messy. disorganized. confusing.

welcome to the jungle.. inside of my head.

spinning 360 degrees. circles. merry-go-rounds and ferris-wheels. "dizzy up the girl".. or boy. full-rotations around an axis. planets circling a ball of fire and fury. same places again, different points in time. fall down. get back up again. slap on bandages and start from scratch. good as new... until the next spill. new beginnings begin just as quickly as they end.

swing-sets. push me higher. no, even higher. i want to touch the stars with my toes. stretchhh... just a little higher. you'll never take me high enough. push me anyway. seashore. she's not selling seashells today. grainy sand between my toes. waves carry living beings ashore to die, & drag others out to sea... to die or to live. it's a gamble.

untied bikini tops & seagulls chasing tourists. sunburn is almost certain. long naps. dream about what? no great dream gets recognition, but nightmares surely get re-told. life. climb on a bicycle. pedal fast; don't stop. keep riding until i can't travel any further. breeze in my hair and the sun on my back. liberating. keep riding. cross the street. back to the starting point. come full-circle... it's not where i wanted to be. ride away again. this time past the park, past the merry-go-round, past the swing-set. leave the fantasies and childhood fallacies in the past. grow beyond the cute names and stories, and start to take lies for face-value and nothing more. leave everything as it was and that is how it will forever be remembered. memories fleeting fast. don't chase after them.. only drink to them, and say goodbye.

chocolate milkshakes at one-am. restaurant riots and rough crowds. long nights away from home. don't use the pantry... she used him there. corrupted shelves hold silent witnesses to more delusions. keep quiet. caveman goes commercial-friendly. so hollywood. so glam. 3000 miles to a coffee shop one hour from three months of absolute confusion. headphones and napkins; write those lyrics down. three extra hours to celebrate a day that should've been shorter to begin with. sneak across parking lots. parking lots in december in 20-degree weather. hide-n-seek! crank calls and backseat giggles. shhh... i'm telling her lips a secret! never-ending. never-real. nose-biter. teeth-biter. coffee-table-friendly magazines and wine-country experiences. look, that's you. silly games. shhh.. more secrets... don't spill the beans. you wouldn't dare.. or would you? hey.. you're full of crap. saves the day says it best. BUT.. here's to hoping the water DOES fill your lungs. wishful morbid thinking. f*cking scum.

hypocrisy. preach and teach but never follow. i'm an expert. lyrics & memoirs & stupid trinkets. rid yourself. climb the mountain higher than before. let the snow carry you to the bottom. rolling and freezing. "vapid whiny blah!!" thanks, ludo. get lost inside your head. i'll lose myself in mine. maybe we can meet in the middle.. or on the outside, perhaps? find the nearest exit. there's something far too strange going on. "some sad singers, they just play tragic.." ultimate truth.

LOVE is one letter different than LIVE. allow a letter to change & risk one or the other. breathe. don't believe anything. wise up now, girl. save yourself. one-sided. make a decision & the tables turn. not all at once.. but close enough. yell into canyons & listen for echoes. waste not, want not. want. not. not. wanting. word play. word gay. NOT.

still riding farther away from here? good. don't ever stop. change is inevitable. change is also misconstrued. not a guarantee. sick migraines. burn... away. figuratively or literally. or both. "uhhhh..." exactly. mistakes? NOT. okay.. big time. i lied. fly away on a jetplane and head into the unknown. isn't that what we already do in life anyway? because if we knew, we probably would quit ahead of time. not probably.. definitely. run fast. don't ever look back. we're all just running from ourselves. our worst enemies. our best friends. our shadows. better yet, from you. everything about... tdg.

it's all relative. or is it at all? word play/gay. faith. the word echoing inside of my head on a daily basis. some days it has many meanings, and some days it sounds strange. we're all marked in different ways. we're all survivors and victims and criminals and rebels and remnants and pieces of a great big puzzle. break me away. jigsaw. crimson red. a series of color-changes. stop-lights and stop-signs. bold & determined. shifting gears & blame & stories. STOP!!!

road-trips to destinations never before seen. repeated playlists. songs from the past, future and the now. some make sense... some. clarity isn't familiar much 'round these parts anymore. jetplanes and airports. trains and stations. tracks to cities along coastlines and modern-day suburbia. sight-see and day-dream. nothing out of the ordinary.

tell your kids about me. of course... unforgettable, you said? hell yes... or so the story goes & goes & goes... until it's gone. long gone. out of sight & mind & heart. other side of the tunnel. true life, true love, true tragedies. truth & fiction co-exist. a suitable pair, though quite contradictory. you never would have imagined such an alarming duet.. but hand-in-hand, the two continue to compliment one another. compliment, or destroy. it depends on how you choose to look at it. regardless.. an unfortunate series of circumstances leads to astonishing discoveries.

she plays a bitter role in life. always present when her spot-light is jeopardized, but cast in shadows when the light is alone. sneaking out & sneaking around. no one else needs to know. don't breathe a word, don't tell a soul. a secret's only yours until it gets repeated. play it safe, or sell yourself out. you decide. whispered words & hushed tones. recipes for disaster. move slow or regret it. actions in the dark mimic flaws in the heart.

symbolism alludes to things that have much deeper meanings. letters, shapes, numbers, signs. 427. symbolism. no one else needs to understand.. that's the beauty of art, literature, passion. to each his (or her) own to interpret as they please. metaphorically speaking, as simple a1-2-3. alliterations and word games. characteristically flawed, i'm a mess of contradictions. mindsets change at an alarming rate, often daily. pep-talks to death-walks. bi-polar, or just human? all fingers point to the latter.

i live through the stories of other people & their experiences.
i piece together the thoughts & phrases that others simply cannot.
i dream of such things that could never be simply explained.
& everyday, i wake to the same old realizations.

chaos. instability.

No comments: