Combating Insomnia...

We will call it insomnia for the time being,
because, by any other description, it would hardly make any sense at all.

It's 4:42 in the morning.
I've been lying awake with the off-set balance of my dreams and reality weighing heavily on my mind.
Frustration. Hope. Ideas. Realizations. More frustration.

Another "plan" won't be becoming my next step in life...
Though, for once, the reason is merely due to a CHANGE in plans.
Rhode Island. New England. Family. Friends.
Cali can come in time. Right now, I need this more than ever.

I have debt to settle.. Transcripts to fix.. Classes to register for.. Money that needs to be made.. "See ya later!"'s to be said.. Loose ends to tie up.. Belongings to be packed.. Transportation issues to be solved..

Pandomonium. Chaos. Hectic mindsets. Constant scatterbrain activity. Panic.

As if reality weren't pressing enough...

I have so many unanswered questions still bouncing around inside of my head. So many issues that were never settled. So many people I can't figure out, or just leave in the past. Many colors, many shades, many levels of pain, confusion, unsettling and wondering.

Simply a few people I would love to open up to:

I will always be in love with you.. But I have to move on. I can't continue to sit & wait, or to play these games anymore.
You'll never realize how great my dislike for you has become. Keep trying to sabotage my happiness. Fake bitches never win.
You led me on, lied to me, cost me money that I could definitely use right now... & for what, really?? You gained nothing...
"Just friends" was fine when you were hurting, but couldn't be enough when I needed it to be that way.. Instead, you ditch and start rumors.
Hey nose-biter.. Your ex never knew about me, so why am I almost wishing that she had? Am I feeling that forgotten in the scheme of things?
You are a funny, wonderful person.. and it kills me that everyone forgets about me when you come around. I hate being the "sidekick".
You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend, but swore it was ending with her.. 2 months ago when we last talked. What?!
I really love you, girl.. That's why I'm always there. So return the favor. We all have problems we want to talk about, too.
NC would have been nice. I'm just saying.

Anonymous dedicated venting sessions. Epic. Could be endless. I had to stop.
One day... One day, I'll know the answers. That, or I'll forget to care.
If only indifference and ignorance came free.

Nash called me out on being a romantic.
That is the cause to most of my problems.
I can't leave things well enough alone.

"And THERE's your sign."

Thank you, blue-collar comedy. Oh, Jeff Foxworthy.