April '07 (part 2)

What pisses me off the most is that I have a million thoughts going through my mind frantically at one time, but I can't find a way to say any of them. I'm the "distraction" girl. I am there when a guy needs to focus on something else. Mostly getting over someone else. I am there to keep their thoughts on something other than what it is that they are trying so hard to forget. I'll never be missed, I'll never be truly loved. They will move on and eventually forget my name, while I am left with thousands of questions and a broken heart. It's what happens every time.

I'm not the girl they'll fall madly in love with, or the girl that they'll beg to stay. I'm not the girl who they'll kick themselves for losing, and I'm not the girl who they'll miss when they don't have me. They all move on and find someone else who they are crazy about. I help by being a distraction so they can clear their heads and hearts to make enough room to let someone else in. That's what I do best, and that's all I'll ever be.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get my feelings out. I can't get my head cleared, and I hate that I've been crying over him. I hate it. I swore that I would never cry over another guy again, and that I would never let myself get to this point that I'm at. I'm too good for this. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be loved. I deserve to have someones attention, and I definitely deserve to be treated the way he treated me in the beginning. I don't know what happened to him and I dont know that I ever will.

I'm just a girl lying in her bed, listening to sad songs and crying while her heart breaks. I'm just a girl torturing herself with thoughts of him and the way he made her feel, while he is wishing things had never gotten this far. I'm just a girl who wanted to enjoy a show and not worry about guys for one night... But he chose that night to come into my life. I'm just a girl who falls for sweet lines and beautiful eyes like they are the latest trend. I'm just the girl who fell for the guy who kissed her in the ocean on the most romantic date of her life. I'm just the girl who took his mind off of everything for a small period of time. I'm just the distraction. That's who I've always been, and it's who I'll always be. I'm just that girl.