Shimmer.

(via ~Bloffer)


She dreams a champagne dream
Strawberry surprise, pink linen and white paper
Lavender and cream, fields of butterflies, reality escapes her

She says that love is for fools that fall behind
And I'm somewhere in between,
I never really know a killer from a savior

'Til I break at the bend

We're here and now, but will we ever be again
'Cause I have found all that shimmers in this world
is sure to fade away again

-Fuel-

Yikes..

I was YouTubing (of course), and I typed in the name of one of my favorite groups, along with the name of the song I love.. and GO FIGURE, I find this video... Tinker Field, Orlando, FL on March 10, 2007 @ Taste of Chaos.

Seriously!?!??!

I was there. I was watching this song, laughing and singing (or screaming) the words out with everyone else, posted up against the fence by the sound booth. I can remember looking up at the sky during this set, feeling chilled in the night air and absolutely loving my life in that moment.

I don't know who this video belongs to, but man.. MAN. That was weird to watch and think about.

(See entry marked "I Caught Fire" from 3.10.09)

Elton John.

Another of my all-time, absolute favorite artists. His songs take me wayyyy back.. Nights with friends, karaoke at the Varsity Club, New Jersey trips, etc.

This video rules for so many reasons. First of all, I adore this song. Second, it reminds me of many people/events in my life. Last of all, how boss is Elton?! Seriously.. check out his attire. Awesome.

From This Moment..

Shania Twain is terrific. Her music has always inspired me, she has an incredible voice, and she is absolutely stunning. Heck, my dad calls her a beauty and is pretty much in love with her. Can you really blame him, though?!

I grew up singing a lot. Some of the time, it wasn't half bad.. I swear! I was even part of a little singing group of about 13 girls from all over the Tampa Bay area. I auditioned for the group with a song by Shania, and I often sang her songs at festivals and shows.

What a trip down memory lane THIS song (among many others) is.

(Also, the Backstreet Boys are singing in it, too.. and Lord knows, I've always been a sucker for that group.. Guilty pleasure to this day!!)

"Guard my dreams, figure this out."

Two years ago, I discovered a beautiful soundtrack that fit perfectly with what "we" were at that exact point in time. Two years later, the soundtrack is still playing.. But someone else is pressing "play", with you in mind. I play mine separately, quietly, and crank the music louder in hopes of drowning you out of the melodies.. She, however, cranks it louder in hopes that the lyrics will reach both your ears and your heart, so that you might fall madly in love with her.. Just as I cranked it loud two years ago, in hopes of the same thing.

The irony of one soundtrack being applicable to two situations involving one guy and the hearts of two different girls is too much. Is the joke on me now? Are the fates laughing at my expense? Or do we share the same passion for love, music, lyrics and that particular individual merely out of coincidence? Maybe it's nothing more than that.. Or maybe it's a sign that what "we" were was nothing special, since it can be (and has been) so easily repeated with someone other than me.

Music.. You uplift me, depress me, confuse me and aggravate me. You send my mind into over-drive. You leave me stranded along the road that leads from past to present. You are beautiful and tragic. You are a million things that I can't even begin to explain or describe.

"I believe we write our own stories. And each time we think we know the end - we don't. Perhaps luck exists somewhere between the world of planning, the world of chance, and in peace that comes from knowing that you just can't know it all. You know, life's funny that way. Once you let go of the wheel, you might end up right where you belong."

-Little Black Book-

The Invitation.

I need to post more of my OWN words.. I know. I've been too busy being sick, working and finding things that other people have masterfully created to write anything of my own. Excuses are so lame.. I get that. I'll get on that sometime soon.

Just out of curiosity.. Who reads this? I'd love to know who you are and how you found me.. and whether or not you like what I have to say/express/quote/offer. Let me know :-)

I found the following piece awhile back and thought to be both wonderful and (almost) biblical.. In a personal, non-religious sort of way. Enjoy!





It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

(oriah)

Goo Goo Dolls - Black Balloon

What can I say about this song to really give it the credit that it deserves? Besides the fact that it has helped me through some of the worst times of my life..

Iris

No words can describe how this song really makes me feel. I've laughed to it, cried to it, dedicated it, danced to it, and cried to it for far different reasons. GGD have so many songs that have had the same--if not, a very similar--impact on me. This song touches my heart in many, many incredible ways.

A Whisper... Have Courage.

"I do not want them to think, as I once did, that courage is the absence of fear. I want them to know that courage is the strength to act wisely when most we are afraid."

- Mary Fisher, (Author/AIDS Advocate)



"Every man has his own courage, and is betrayed because he seeks in himself the courage of other persons."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson



"For without belittling the courage with which men have died, we should not forget those acts of courage with which men have lived."

- John Fitzgerald Kennedy



"I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do."

- Harper Lee (from: To Kill A Mockingbird)



"Act, and God will act."

- Helen Keller



"Be strong and of good courage. Be not afraid. Neither be thou dismayed, for the Lord your God is with thee withersoever thou goest."

- Joshua 1:9

Refugee... Enough Said.

This song/clip goes out to the man who got me hooked--my dad. To Andrew Livermore and John Brittle. To the cover bands at every bar who play it over and over and over. To everyone else that truly appreciates and adores the magnificence that is Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers.

The Honorary Title

One of my favorites...
Trust me. Very, very good song.

SafetySuit

So this band is truly something to behold and brag about.
What an absolutely amazing song.. To say that it's "incredible" is an understatement.

Deep Inside of You... Beautiful.

Here's to a song that touches everyone who listens to it.
It's a trip down memory lane.. A beautiful reminder of times past..
A ballad of love and--to many--loss.
Here's to Third Eye Blind for putting it all into words for us.

Sites I'm REALLY Loving Right Now.

SO.

I was feeling pretty crafty and constructive this evening,
and I happened to stumble upon (and peruse through) some
really neat sites..

Talk about getting inspired!!


Check them out for yourself:

http://www.queenofdiy.com

http://dozidesign.blogspot.com/

http://diyfashion.about.com/

http://www.instructables.com/

http://www.designspongeonline.com/

http://mommyknows.com/

I'd highly recommend them :-)

Now or Never.

"Did you say it? 'I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life.' Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around; Drink it in 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow."
-Grey's Anatomy-

Benjamin Button - Quotes

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."


"Along the way you bump into people who make a dent on your life. Some people get struck by lightning. Some are born to sit by a river. Some have an ear for music. Some are artists. Some swim the English Channel. Some know buttons. Some know Shakespeare. Some are mothers. And some people can dance."

"...Just Thought That You Should Know"

This whole routine is getting old
So am I and so are you.
My reputation lets me know I can do whatever I want to
Though it seems that you believe you can do whatever it is you please
Not before, not before you wind up on your knees.

(Don't cry to me no more)
You like the way that people stare at you now
You look so fake, just thought that you should know
And you're all the same and when the curtain drops down
You'll be replaced by something typical.

You set yourself up to be sold.
And that's okay cause that's your role.
Manipulation takes it toll.
What will you do when nobody wants you?
Though it seems that you believe you can do whatever it is you please
Not before, not before you wind up on your knees.

I know I've stood so long beside you
And I know I should have left you right where I had found you

-the red jumpsuit apparatus-

5.13

To the figment of my imagination, the shadow in the back of my mind, the flower that never truly blossomed:

I hate you. No, I'm not confusing my words or over-exaggerating. I honest-to-God absolutely loathe, detest and despise every inch of your being.

Oh.. I'm not bitter. Is that how I came off just now?! I'm so sorry to have misled you. I'm actually quite well.. Really well, at that. I'm just trying out this whole "honesty" act.. For now, at least.

So for now, while I have the courage and the words in mind, know that I wish you nothing but misery. I've tried to be a good, forgiving person, and I've tried to let bygones be bygones. I've tried to view things from your perspective, but I could only stand in your shoes for so long before the smell started getting to me.

As it stands, to this day, I've sworn up and down that I've been able to move past the mark you've left on my life, and I've said, "goodbye", only God knows how many times. For the life of me, I don't understand why that's not enough.

Take your precious "in-the-now" and retreat back under your rock, you despicable scumbag. I hope you're happy, and I hope you're given everything that I don't have.. (which really only leaves an STD, greed or a shotgun-wedding).

From: The idea that never transformed into anything glorious, beyond what you could allow.

Oxygen.

and so i found a state of mind
where i could be speechless
i had to try it for a while
to figure out this feeling
this felt so right
pull me upside down to a place
where you've been waiting

-colbie caillat-

Heaven-Sent

I somehow see what's beautiful in things that are ephemeral.

-she & him-

21.

And we’ll sing out loud for hours
Until the morning that we know we can’t avoid
These nights are notable and priceless
I swear that every word I say, I mean until my dying day
It’s a shame when I wake I can’t recall a thing
-dave melillo-

AIWP

We are the unwritten scrolls
Background songs
For dialogues
Always wanting something more
To be the stars
The light shines on.

- Alive In Wild Paint

Reflection

Tonight, while I should have been studying for tomorrow's Liberal Arts Final Exam, I opted instead to flip backwards through the pages of my life.. Back to times that seem so very long ago. Distractions always get the best of me.. And I mean that literally and figuratively. I haven't done one ounce of studying, and now I'm stuck in nostalgia and I'm afraid that I can't climb out of it.

Back in the summer of 2003, my beautiful cousin and I spent our days with a group of silly guys from a small town in Massachusetts. We had all sorts of crazy adventures, including late-night manhunt games, walmart "hide-n-seek" fests, "fall[ing] into the Gap", summer league baseball games, etc. As time went on, the relationships within the group changed several times, but through it all, each member of the group meant so much to me. This was the group that was there for our "'FUN' in 'dysfunctional'!" family situations, beach days/confessions, sobfests and an endless amount of craziness.

There was also a crazy duo of guys from Michigan who, through a series of different events, became two of my best friends. We used to talk on the phone (group chat) almost every single night of the week. During this time, I was in high school, so many nights, I'd be awakened in the wee morning hours to my phone ringing off the hook. Many times, I'd be on the phone chatting, while they placed me on speakerphone to either a) play video games, or b) play guitar and talk about their "band". This goes back to the days of Ariel and Flounder, Dre and his beautiful triangle-skills, and also a well-planned mugging-scheme, in which I lost a very dear possession to the crafty duo.

I used to spend a ton of my time in Westmont, New Jersey. Those who knew me then know why I was there. I grew even closer to the legend, Sarah Cheetham, as well as all of the other incredible people who make up the South Jersey clan. From football games and school plays at Haddon Township High to Rita's Italian Ice trips for Gelati's; Cowtown trips with Sari ("I think your tractor's sexy!") and driving around listening to Something Corporate with Timotheous; the time at the Cherry Hill mall, when Candace and Twist were in town visting as well, and even the constant exaggerated fights, where I'd get mad and run off.. Jersey always, ALWAYS held my heart.

Another old group that I constantly miss is the small posse that composed our teen group at FLBS--David, Jo-L, Luke, JD and Jesse. Other years, it included Z, C and J as well. From pantsing in the stairwell to pizza party challenges, shaving cream wars and loooong beach days, we always had it going on. I miss those epic chats at the pier and sneaking past Uncle Lee after curfew.

I can't forget ECBS either... Back in the day, we had it good. Real good. We had makeover nights in the rooms at Eames and great times in the spa.. Made-up card games, the Green Underwear Bandit, Broomball competitions and CLASSIC married vs single rivalry all week long.. Delicious dining room meals, greenheads and sandcastle contests, readings and prizes for doing the worksheets, always needing a fan, the mats in the gym, Uncle Peter King and Jason-repellant, the cowboy boots ("click click click click... ::DING!:: click click").. There were great talent shows, fun devotional groups and LOTS of deep chats. We were still just an east-coast ONLY school, but we loved the normalcy.

Over the years, time takes its toll on each and every relationship we hold dear. Sometimes for the better, other times, it's an absolute devastation on our lives. We make mistakes or poor decisions, and instead of moving on right away, sometimes we have to learn how to suffer first. People who we grew up with disappear, turn against us, change so much that we lose contact, or grow out of us. Memories fade away more and more each year, sinking unconciously into the depths of our minds and our hearts, until we completely forget them.

It took me re-reading an old blog site to trigger this particular flow of memories.. and now I'm reminded of so many things in my past that will never be the same. So many years have passed.. So many people have come in and out of all of our lives.. So many things have happened to change each and every one of us.. So many people have left such a deep imprint on my life, and now I'm missing them all more than ever, some for the first time in a long time. I miss how simple things used to be.. How juvenile our problems were back then.. How close we all were, no matter what.. How innocent we were to the trials that our future's held.

I miss all of my friends, the way we were back then. I miss those people so very much. Some of them, I talk to every once in a blue moon. Others are just busy with their own lives, and we never speak.. We grew up out of that phase in our lives. Some of those people are probably not even aware of how significant a role they played in my life, and there are those that, to this day, hate me for no reason other than their own immaturity and pride. It's a real shame.. Because I've grown up. I grew past things a long time ago. But.. People change and ultimately, it's all for a reason.

Still.. I miss them. My friends. Old friends, enemies, or whatever we are to each other these days. I miss you. Each and every one of you. From the bottom of my heart.

I Am...

Radiohead (via dailypost-its)


I am...
Hesitant. Doubting. Confused.
Nostalgic (to say the least). Easily distracted.
Open to suggestions.. but very stubborn.

I am...
Sweet uncertainty.
A mess of contradictions.
The epitome of everything I've ever found impressionable.
A dreamer, a wishful thinker, an optimist.

I am...
Full of passion, ideas, beliefs.
Searching for morality in a corrupt society.
Constantly struggling between right and wrong.
Making mistakes & learning lessons on a daily basis.

I am...
Someone's biggest mistake.
Someone's saving grace.
Someone's absolute letdown.

I am...
The girl who shattered some guy's heart.
The same girl who glued her own heart back together again... Several times.
An ex-best friend, a failed acquaintanceship, a forgotten mark.
A closet romance. A secret affair.

I am...
A best friend. A big sister. A cousin.
A niece. A daughter and granddaughter.
A beautiful memory in someone's heart.
That silly friend from way back when.
A sis/mama to the pups.

I am...
His.
He is mine.
I am the absolute love of his life..
Right where I want to be.

I am...
Taking life as it comes to me, day by day.
Doing my best to be extraordinary.
Living. Breathing. Loving.
Content with the person that I have become over time.
Grateful for every blessing that I have.

I am just another girl on this whirl-wind ride called life.
Honestly, I'm just trying to figure it all out.

And you know what? I am absolutely, 100% alright with that.


Who are you?

Click, Click..

Delete. Erase. White-out. Remove.

Phewwww.

If that were an assignment or something I spent a deal of time writing, being erased would be absolutely horrific. Like that time last year when I accidentally hit "yes" when my phone wanted to "delete all saved messages?", and really, I had wanted to save them all forever.. I stared at my phone with my mouth open, in shock, for probably ten minutes. That was bad.

This time, though? This "deletion" felt mighty good. Extremely overdue. So easy.

Click, click, click. Check. Delete? Yes. Deleted.

Sigh of relief.

(I'm getting good at this whole "de-stressing" thing!)

OVC 2

Sometimes when you're young, you think nothing can hurt you. It's like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you, and you have big plans. Big plans. To find your perfect match. The one that completes you. But as you get older, you realize it's not always that easy. It's not until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made were simply plans. At the end, when you're looking back instead of forward, you want to believe that you made the most of what life gave you. You want to believe that you're leaving something good behind. You want it all to have mattered.
-One Tree Hill-

Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want. Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it's right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it. You just might get the thing you're wishing for. The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now believe in it. With all your heart.
-One Tree Hill-

The thing is, there is never a time when you'll be more honest, when your convictions will be stronger or your motives will be more pure than they are right now. Which means you should chase whatever it is that excites you. Be confident and take risks. And paint over my words so you can start writing your own. My story might have inspired you, but I'm certain your story will inspire the next girl to live in our room. I want you to know you don't need somebody to write about you in order for your life to mean something. You can write about yourself. Make your own destiny. Then, years from now, the next girl will keep what you write on that door long enough to remind you of how inspired your life is. And you can tell that girl to paint over the door, because you realize the words you wrote, the friends you had, the urgency you felt will always be there underneath the paint. The love you professed will always be there, the spark of something undeniable, a seed of hope, the truth, for better or for worse, burning fiercely, just below the surface.
-One Tree Hill-

Do you ever wonder how long it takes to change your life? What measure of time is enough to be life altering? Is it four years like high school? One year? An eight week rock tour? Can your life change in a month, or a week, or a single day? We're always in a hurray to grow up, to go places, to get ahead. And when you're young, one hour can change everything.
-One Tree Hill-

Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger like when you let down a friend. Some of us escape the pain of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret because we're looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past, and sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change your own ways. But, our biggest regrets are not for the things we did -- but, for the things we didn't do. Things we didn't say that could've save someone that we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that's headed their way.
-One Tree Hill-

One V Creek (quotations)

If having things turn out the way you want them to is a measure of a successful life then some would say I was a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past. And recognize that everyday won't be silence and when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair, remember it's only in the black of night that you can see the stars and those stars lead you back home. So don't be afraid to make mistakes, stumble, fall, cause most of the time the greatest rewards come from the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wish for, maybe you'll get more than you could ever imagine. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long and in the end the journey is the destination.
-One Tree Hill-

We are told to remember the idea, not the man. Because a man can fail. He can becaught, he can be killed and forgotten. But four hundred years later an idea can still change the world. I've witnessed firsthand the power of ideas. I've seen people kill in the name of them; and die defending them. But you cannot touch an idea, cannot hold it or kiss it. An idea does not bleed, it cannot feel pain, and it does not love.
-V for Vendetta-

I'd like to tell today's youth that no matter where life takes you, big cities, small towns, you'll inevitably come across small minded people who think they're better than you. People who think that material things, or being pretty or popular, automatically make you a worthwhile human being. I'd like to tell today's youth that none of these things matter. Unless you have a stregth of character, intergtity, ... and if you're lucky enough to have any of these things, don't ever sell out. Don't ever sell out. So when you meet a person for the first time, don't judge them by their station in life, 'cause who knows, that person just might end up being your best friend.
-Dawson's Creek-

And Hansel said to Gretel: Let us drop these bread crumbs so that together we can find our way home because losing our way would be the most cruel of things. And once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely. Because sometimes you have to step outside of the person you've been and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are.
-One Tree Hill-

these people who contributed to who i am they are with me where ever i go. and as history gets rewritten in smalls way with each passing day my love for them only grows, because the truth is it was the best of times. mistakes were made, hearts were broken, harsh lessons learned, but all that has receded into fond memory now. how does it happen? why are we so quick to forget the bad and romanticizes the good? maybe it's because we need to believe that the time we spent together actually meant something. that we were there for each other in a time in our lives that defined us all. That time our lives that we will never forget. I can't swear that's exactly how it happened. but this is how it felt.
-Dawson's Creek-

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while, people push on to something better, something found just beyond the pain of going it alone, and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in, or give someone a second chance, something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. because it's only when you're tested, that you discover who you are, that you discover who you can be. The person you can be does exist, beyond the hard work, faith, belief, and beyond the heartache, and fear of what lies ahead.
-One Tree Hill-

Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday, graduating high school, saying goodbye; that feeling that you get at 17 or 18- that nobody in the history of the world has ever been this close, has ever loved as fiercely or laughed as hard, or cared as much. Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday - and sometimes it feels like someone else's memory.
-One Tree Hill-

You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate, or bad luck, or bad choices. Or you can fight back. Things aren't always gonna be fair in the real world, that's just the way it is. But for the most part, you get what you give. Let me ask you all a question, what's worse- not getting everything you wished for, or getting it but finding it's not enough? The rest of your life is being shaped right now, with the dreams you chase, the choices you make, and the person you decide to be. The rest of your life is a long time, and the rest of your life starts right now.
-One Tree Hill-